The Art of Running Red Lights in Your Underwear

i can't tell if you're being funny or if you're being mean.

when i'm feeling self destructive, i like to buy cookie dough and a scale.

i cook best without a plan. maybe i should look at my life that way too.

it's no good swimming in the deep end.

tall people seem to really like tennis.

i keep mistaking that lady's arm for a fat baby.

curbs seem to exist simply for me to fall off.

it's an art. not a crime.

that is not amusing. and i laugh at everything.

someone asked me what kind of animal i thought i represented. i told them to fuck off or buy me a beer.

i have trouble meeting new people.

i can't decide if things just don't come easy to me, or if i'm clueless about things that are coming.

do you ever look for hidden cameras in the kitchen when you're going to take junk food out of the refrigerator?

the more you talk, the less I hear.

i hate how some people are capable of making you apologize for everything.

first donuts, now popcorn. are you trying to kill me?

sometimes i like to fart in a full elevator.

i hate the expression 'full of hot air.' isn't everyone full of hot air?

just once, i'd like to ride a hot streak to the top. why do i have to stop when the going gets good?

sometimes i feel like i'm choking on silence.

silence is the golden rule.

or is that play well with others?

i don't do very well with rules.

especially the ones i created to be broken.

silence is golden. i dislike gold. i like silver. silence is silver.

i love words you can roll your tongue around. anthropology. evolve. fucker.

no, i would not like to install the updates to my computer. i see an 'install now' button and a 'remind me later' button. how about a 'shut the fuck up and leave me alone' button?

this week in jenna theatre - location, security desk where jenna works. the character, a security guard, who jenna really should know the name of but can never remember, and will henceforth be named, ed.
ed - are you heading for lunch?
jenna - best time of the day (fumbling for key card)
ed - you always sneak out the back, i never see you
jenna - yeah, well, I'm sneaky that way.
ed - i eat lunch.
jenna - oh that's good.
ed - maybe one day we can eat lunch together?
jenna - oh. i don't think so.
ed - why not?
jenna - i don't really eat.
ed - you don't eat?
jenna - not really.
ed - but you're heading out for lunch.
jenna - uh, doctors appointment.
ed - oh. well, maybe we can go together one time?
jenna - to the doctor?
ed - sure.
jenna - ummm...ok, yeah, maybe.

if i didn't talk to strangers, my life would be pretty boring. sorry mom, you were wrong on that one.

i think some things should go without saying. i mean, i have never tried to smell your feet, perhaps you should stop trying to smell mine.

in the end, all i can say is i tried...

i tried every kind of beer there was...and still wanted more...

but i guess that's why they call me mellow yellow...

(ok, no one calls me mellow yellow)