The Art of Long Goodbyes with Short People

goodbye.

oh wait, i haven't started yet.

i have the unique ability to sound like a bitch when I'm trying to be humble.

i think technology is trying to fuck with my mind.

sometimes there is nothing to do in a day but count how many times your co-worker breathes through the mouth.

my manhattan building did a fire drill on 9/11. they couldn't wait a day?

sometimes i get so bored that i keep forgetting what words mean.

i still play that childhood game when walking to the subway, "don't step on a crack or you'll break your mothers back."

hopefully this does not directly effect my mother’s back.

oh well, i was never the favorite anyway.

everyone keeps telling me i'm soaking wet. well, it is raining outside.

ahhhh self medication. ain't it funny?

i find you to be a pathological liar.

but i could be lying.

why do people always say let sleeping dogs lie?

i say wake the bastards up.

but let the liars sleep. who needs that fucking nonsense on a monday morning?

sometimes i wish i was one of those people who look so put together. alas, i am not one of those people. i look like i rolled out of bed and fell into whatever was closest to me. if fact, i had a pair of underwear stuck to my jeans for about 5 subway stops today.

when it rains, you get wet.

just because you are in your car, doesn't mean i can't see you. please put your shirt on.

and consider pants.

i always catch the end of a crime.

it is a pretty awesome feeling to know you ruined someone's day by simply walking.

i have such power!

i try to have a zen approach to life.

some people do not enjoy the sounds of a bamboo flute early in the morning.

the words bimbo and bamboo are very close to each other.

in that regard, some people do not enjoy the sounds of a bimbo in the morning, either.

it is possible to fail and succeed at the same time. it will just give you a massive headache if you attempt to understand how, so take my word for it.

being physically fit is exhausting.

i'm not intimidated easily. i just prefer to quit.

did you know that it is possible to walk the same route every day and still get lost?

jenna theatre - at the movies, finally getting ready to watch harry potter, running slightly late, jenna decided to stop at the concession stand. there is one couple in front of her about to order.
woman - i'd like a large popcorn and a large diet pepsi.
concession dude - i'm sorry, we don't have any more diet soda.
woman - no diet soda?
concession dude - none
woman - ok...how about seltzer, do you have seltzer?
concession dude - of course we have seltzer.
woman - alright, i'll have one of those then, if you don't have any diet soda.
(transaction is completed, jenna's turn)
jenna - hi i'd like a medium popcorn and a large seltzer.
concession dude - we don't have a seltzer.
jenna - what?
concession dude - yeah, it's out, but we have pepsi, diet pepsi...
jenna - but you don't have seltzer.
concession dude - nope.
jenna - and you have diet pepsi.
concession dude - you got it
jenna - (stares blankly at him then walks away)

i have a great idea. let's bring a 4 year old to the late night showing of harry potter and let them run up and down the aisle and start crying and screaming for you while you make out with your partner in the back.

and you wonder why your child will decapitate birds.

i guess i should be more concerned about repeating myself, but you probably weren’t listening anyway.

i know i wasn't.