you gotta knock this one out of the parking lot.
i need to move...or buy some new shoes.
do you ever wonder if the choices you make are wrong, or just unpopular?
sometimes i think i'm a victim of both.
most the time, i don’t think it matters, you see with women it’s all about the hair, with men, it’s all about the penises.
do you have any questions for me?
i got hit on by a homeless man with no arms. he asked to hold my hand.
it is really hard to ignore someone who isn't around to be ignored.
pay attention to me so i can blow you off, damn it.
i should have asked first, but was this tennis ball down john’s pants?
the cleaning lady left cleaning supplies on my desk. i think she's trying to tell me something.
i'm going to leave poop on her desk.
lights are on but nobody’s home.
not that anybody would ever go there anyways.
and in this environmentally friendly climate, i’m not surprised.
turn off the damn lights.
if there was really only 4 minutes to save the world, i’m afraid i would not entrust that to madonna and justin timberlake, despite their success as multi-million dollar performers.
non-drinkers threaten my existence.
sometimes i think i only exist to tell you how wrong you really are.
it’s a dirty job but someone’s got to do it.
at least while the job market is in such a state of distress.
beggars can’t be choosy.
even thought they often are. i had a half a subway sandwich that i didn’t want anymore. nothing was wrong with it, just decided i was done with subway for the next week or so. a man was sitting outside with a sign that say he just wanted some food or a train ticket home. i didn’t have a train ticket, but i had some food, so i offered him my sub. he took it and asked, “is there mayo on this?” i replied a little light mayo, but not that much. he handed it back to me and said he didn’t like mayo, but thanks anyway.
i’m done with passive aggressive people for this week. instead of looking for the deeper meaning, i shall take what you say at face value.
let this be a warning to you all.
this week in jenna theatre, jenna and her tall friend alex, who is a bit over 6’7”, are pulling into a parking spot at trader joes to grab some organic groceries. a man and his girlfriend parked a few spots down, but clearly thought that jenna and alex’s parking spot should have been their parking spot.
ponytail guy – (to girlfriend) dude, i’m gunna fuck that guy up. that was our fucking spot.
girlfriend – it’s fine. we have a good spot.
ponytail guy – no. that was our spot! i’m gunna go smash all the windows.
girlfriend – honey, he’s a lot bigger than you, you need to calm down.
ponytail guy – it doesn’t matter, i could take him.
girlfriend – you really need to keep your voice down, i don’t think you could take him, he’s huge.
ponytail guy - i could fucking take him.
jenna – (turning around to the guy) dude, really? you're wearing a shirt with mr. spock on it.
later, we cut in front of him at the checkout line.
we didn’t really, but wouldn’t that have been a better ending?
i guess it goes to show, you can’t always change the outcome, unless you’re a writer, and then you can have whatever reality you choose to exist in.
in my reality this week, i am drinking a bottle of dom perignon after winning my first tony award for acting and my first emmy award for writing…
and i might as well throw in winning 1st place in the philadelphia marathon…
dream big! (and by dream big, I’m really just dreaming for the dom perignon