Wednesday, August 18, 2010

The Art of Aged Cheese

as a rule i hate it when people tell me what to do.

but sometimes i wish someone would tell me what to do with my life.

this year has flown by.

except for the days when time stood still.

time is one of those things i feel i have no concept of.

who needs time when you have money?

i have neither money nor time.

which, i suppose is why it's so difficult to buy more time.

this is why birthdays shouldn't count.

in case you haven't guessed, it's my birthday today.

as per usual, i am accepting it with my typical style and grace.

for those who don't know me, this means kicking and screaming.

i wonder who invented those horrible birthday songs at restaurants.

i know i couldn't give less than two shits that it's some strangers birthday and i will not give them a giant birthday cheer.

now if this person was buying me dinner, i'll put on a hat and do the tappity tap.

no idea what that means.

please don't wish me a happy birthday.

but feel free to send money, i'm not sure how i'm going to pay rent.
i think you should be as old as your bank account indicates.

i have the face of a 14 year old, the body of a 20 year old and the liver of a 50 year old.

i can't wait to see what happens when they cut me open to count the rings.

girls just want to have fun...and vodka...girls really want vodka.

words to live by.

this week in jenna theatre, jenna gets on the m train in queens to head to the city. a man gets on with her in a red shirt with a guitar on his back. jenna transfers to the e train, the man does too. jenna pays no mind, it's a quite common transfer. jenna gets off and transfers to the 6 line. after waiting 5 minutes or so, the train pulls in, and who should get off right at the car she was about to get on was that same man, in the red shirt with the guitar. jenna still has no idea where the fuck he came from or how, if he was indeed on the same train with her, he managed to appear on the very train she was waiting for.

no seriously, this is worse than sudoku.

Wednesday, August 11, 2010

The Art of the Eh!

i am against watches.

however i do like time.

my life is in a constant state of termoil anyway.

you can hardly keep time with that.

i never know what time zone to be in.

i wish i could change time zones depending on how i felt that day.

sometimes, i’m really just in a california state of time.

i wouldn’t mind a california roll right about now.

i enjoy sushi, but i think it’s more for the chopsticks.

i wish i could be one of those cool sushi eaters, but the thought of eating anything raw just seems so wrong.

haven’t we come so far in technology that the need to eat raw food is unnecessary?

it’s like ordering a rare steak.

you know you pay the same amount, no matter how long it’s on the grill.

i think i should be a vegetarian again.

if only vegetables tasted like chicken.

this week in jenna theatre, jenna is at a farm in canada where chickens and a rooster are allowed to roam free. while on the way down to swim, the rooster starts to eye jenna up and down. jenna, armed with a white towel to show that she comes in peace, waves the towel at the rooster to scoot it away. the rooster begins its retreat and walks down the hill. jenna, satisfied that the rooster is away, turns around to walk up the hill towards her co-swimmer alex, when suddenly there is a loud noise and alex, moving into action with a shovel, yells at her to run. jenna begins to scream and deciding alex has provided good advice, begins to run, as she is now being chased by the rooster. the rooster manages to graze the back of her calf before alex can scare him off. no harm done, except for jenna’s pride. jenna believes that attacking her from behind instead of face on proves that the rooster is indeed chicken.

Wednesday, August 4, 2010

The Art of Swimming with Bears

you ever find yourself thinking, i wonder what that would taste like dipped in chocolate?

i’m sensing a theme here.

themes are not to be confused with moods.

i’m moody.

i love it when you imply sex.

i love it when you imply chocolate.

i have a one track mind.

it just jumped the track.

track down the culprit. he has got to be around here somewhere.

with his track record and all.

i wish i could have been a tracking dog.

well, then i’d have to be a dog.

i don’t want to be a dog.

a tracking person?

are there still tracking people anymore, with gps and all that?

who knows, i get lost all the time.

this week in jenna theatre, while at the free lincoln park zoo in beautiful chicago, il, jenna walks up to the bear exhibit to look for the bears. a woman is there with her significant other.
woman – i don’t see the bear.
man – he’s right there.
woman – this is stupid, he’s not here, he’s like, hibernating or something.
man – they hibernate in the winter.
woman – well, i don’t see no bear.
man – i see him, he’s eating right in front of you.
woman – this zoo is a rip off.
man – it’s free…
woman – so they can just bring us here and show us where a bear would be if a bear was here?
man – but a bear is here, he’s right there.
woman – you always do this to me.
man – do what?
womna- lie to me.
man – about what?
woman – car payments, dinner, everything. now bears!
man – I don’t lie about bears…he’s right fucking there.
jenna – excuse me, would you mind taking my picture in front of the bear?

i do so love a good fight.

but even more so when it’s mine.