Wednesday, October 13, 2010

The Art of Fourth Grade Logic

i just bought some no-wedgie underwear.

it's not like i have a problem with wedgies.

i just like to be prepared.

it's always hard to make a choice like that.

there are regular and no-wedgie.

does that mean the regular pairs are going to give me wedgies?

they never gave me wedgies before.

by not buying the no-wedgie pair am i setting myself up for a wedgie problem later in life?

shouldn't at this point all your underwear just become no-wedgie underwear?

what is that saying about you?

the same is true with anti-blister socks.

even if you don't get blisters, the product now forces you to make a choice.

and what choice will you make with condoms?

there are so many condom choices.

but what amazes me is that there are so-called pleasure condoms.

(i saw a commercial)

who out there wants a painful condom?

i could have a comfortable sex experience? no thanks, i'll take the really irritating condom.

and if you’re a dude who doesn’t buy a her-pleasure condom, well, you might as well pack that shit away, cuz you are an ass.

you can’t show up with a his-pleasure condom.

i wonder about marketing choices.

and the people who buy these things.

to think i got there from underwear.

flawed logic gives me a tick.

This week in jenna theatre, jenna is riding the bus and a tourist sits down next to her with a map.
woman – is this the red line? the el?
jenna – no this is a bus…
woman – really? I thought there was only the el trains in chicago.
jenna – no, there are buses…like this one.
woman – so weird.
jenna – yea.
woman – (after studying the map) no, look this is the red line…
jenna – no, it’s not a train. it’s a bus.
woman – these things are so confusing.
jenna – you should try nyc’s subway. those are confusing.
woman – so you’re not even from here?
jenna – well, i’ve been living here for….
(woman turns to the man across the aisle)
woman – is this the red line?
man – no…it’s the bus.
(woman looks at jenna. jenna looks at woman.)

i need to start carrying a video camera with me.


Jocelyn said...

Way to many choices. You are right about be buying me her please!! hahaha.
wait, there is a difference between trains and buses? who knew

Michelle said...

Wait there are no wedgie undies in the stores? Does this mean that when somebody actually tries to give me a wedgie while I am wearing no wedgie undies, it would be impossible?

I wonder though, if a wedgie thats gets though even with the no wedgie undies is kinda pleasurable?

HUH? I didn't write that. Nope, not me.

I need to get on the bus/train/bus.


Chanthana said...

Are you sure that isn't the red line? Oh, funny tourists.

PunkRockRunner said...

I'm pretty sure that if you wear anti-wedgie underwear you will NOT be needing a condom anyway. In fact, the words "hey baby, you go slip into those anti-wedgie underwear & I'll light some candles & break out the turbo-trojan-tickler" have never been spoken at the Playboy mansion.

45,000 runners in Chicago & a tourist on the bus makes Jenna's Theatre? Somewhere Bart Yasso is crying.


Erica Sara said...

cracking up. awesome.
and always wondered about those "pleasure" condoms. you'd think the rate of "faking it" would've gone down once those were invented. and if a guy buys those, does it mean he knows he sucks in bed & needs some help? just a thought