Wednesday, October 27, 2010

The Art of Confusion Says

there is a nun in the library.

i have no joke about that, it just makes me feel weird.

also there is a chicken in the oven.

i'm not catholic, but i find nuns intimidating.

whenever i see a nun or priest, my mind takes a flying leap into the gutter.

well, maybe not so much a flying leap, maybe more of a sashay or two-step.

i'd love to see two-stepping nuns.

never underestimate a two-step.

i like people but i hate they way they smell.

is there some sort of deodorant epidemic i am unaware of?

i had someone argue with me that they didn't need to wear deodorant.

they did.

i smashed some one's phone today.

it wasn't my fault.

they had a cricket ring tone.

you can take the girl out of the country, but you better not have a cricket around the girl.

i'm too lazy for stand up comedy.

it's too much work to be a workaholic.

i'll leave that to the people who haven't discovered sex.

just because i have tits doesn't mean i don't understand sports.

when you need silence that's when people will yell the loudest.

it's weird to live in a city that constantly smells like chocolate.

it is also impossible to diet in a city that always smells like chocolate.

there are truths in numbers.

there are lies in words.

and there are i's in lies.

and there are pricks on the bus.

i hate being succinct.

i hate seeing unsolicited penises.


i love a good daydream.

i would like someone to describe a work situation in which the words climb, latter, and box aren't used.

this week in jenna theatre jenna is sitting reading for her next class when a fellow student comes up to her in a panic.
student – ohmygod! did you get that email, did you freak out?
jenna (having no idea who this woman is) uh no? what email?
student – the email about the 10 page paper that is due tonight. i totally forgot it was due., i stayed up all night, did you get it done?
jenna – i didn’t get that email! was it on the syllabus?
student – apparently.
jenna – for multicultural right?
student – yeah.
jenna – i have no recollection of this, at all. what’s it about?
student - it was so hard. you had to have, like, 5 references and stuff on that case study at the end of the chapter.
jenna – holy shit, i didn’t know about this. (jenna frantically pulls out her syllabus) um it doesn’t say anything about that on here.
student – let me see (takes it) wait. this isn’t the syllabus.
jenna – it’s not?
student – no.
jenna – (looks at it) it is
student – wait, you’re not in my class?
jenna – i’m thinking maybe not?
student – ohmygod i’m so sorry. i totally thought you were in my class.
jenna – ohmygod you almost gave me a nervous breakdown! i thought maybe i was having memory failure or something.
student – do we even have class together?
jenna – i really don’t think so.
student – wow, well.i’d better get to class. sorry about that, i really thought you were in my class.
jenna (nods and tries to feel her face again)

i still have no idea who the hell that was.


PunkRockRunner said...

Full disclosure – Every time you mention “tits” I feel the need to mention that I was born with four nipples (three of which are actually functional).

Discover sex? You make it sound like sex is a planet or something amazing like the cure for herpes. Oh, speaking of sex…

There is “I” in lies (singular not plural).

If you saw a village of unsolicited penises would it be a penal colony?

You have no class… with that fellow student that is.

Well done Tiny One!!

blackstocks said...

HAHAHA. Great job tinyone! Nuns freak me out too!!

Deodorant is lame...I much prefer ode de moi!

Please keep writing! I love my Wednesday laughs.

MEYA said...

So funny! Does Chicago really smell like chocolate?!? Weird. It's better than Manhattan smelling like piss though, right?
You need to come back here so we can film the pilot. I have the technology now!

BradyDale said...

I love Jenna Theater. That was great.

I have a similar(ish) story. I went to a really competitive school, and one summer, when none of us were in classes, I was reading comic books in my room and my buddy Ward was playing Civ on my computer.

I got this evil thought.

Ward was deep in playing the game. I said, "Ward, shouldn't you be studying?"

And he seized up. I could see pain passing all over him. As if he'd forgotten something.

Then he realized it was summer and he was like, "You are such a BLEEP."

Ha ha ha... one of the funniest jokes I've ever made, and so simple.

Lauren said...

Peni! Hahahaha
Mmm chocolate.
Good blog! Sorry I missed it on the week it actually came out!