Wednesday, December 15, 2010

The Art of a Martini, Shaken and Stirred

why would you ask me about pickles?

some people just look like epic tools.

i find that after doing all the necessary research, i am in fact, pro-biotics.

my kitties are not longer little balls of fun and furry love.

they are now vicious carriers of static and shock me at every opportunity.

do we really need to bring awareness to child abuse?

are there really people out there who are not aware this is happening?

looking around on the bus i realize i have no idea how to dress for winter.

seriously, am i the only one affected by static electricity?

i finally figured out the difference between affect and effect, but i forgot.

my vocabulary shrinks significantly when i have to spell.

music is like music to my soul.

you better get on the bus.

you never know when the next one will show up.

i hate study guides. they make me feel even more confused.

i am convinced my spell checker is constantly fucking with me.

it knows perfectly well what i am trying to spell.

It is cold out here.

in addition to being cold, it is also hard for a pimp.

i have trust issues, trust me.

trust no one because the truth is out there.

it will also set you free.

enjoy it while it lasts.

This week in jenna theatre, jenna is crammed into the bus with what feels like an incorrect ratio of air to people. A woman next to jenna starts trying to talk to her. despite their uncomfortably close proximity, the woman begins to yell.
WOMAN – HAVE YOU DONE ALL YOUR CHRISTMAS SHOPPING YET?
jenna – what?
WOMAN - HAVE YOU DONE YOUR CHRISTMAS SHOPPING YET?
jenna – not yet. i’ve been busy.
WOMAN – YOU BETTER GET ON THAT SOON. WHY HAVEN’T YOU DONE IT YET? THEY ARE ALL JUST WAITING TO JACK UP THE PRICES. THAT’S WHAT THEY DO. SCREW YOU OVER.
jenna – oh.
WOMAN – DO YOU NOT HAVE A MOTHER?
jenna – ummm…?
WOMAN – YOU MUST NOT HAVE A MOTHER.
jenna – i have a mother.
WOMAN – THEN YOU MUST BREAK HER HEART EVERY SINGLE DAY.
jenna – probably.
WOMAN – YOUR POOR MOTHER. YOU HAD BETT ER BUY HER A CHRISTMAS PRESENT.
jenna – i’m sorry, i can’t hear you, what?
WOMAN – YOUR POOR…
jenna – hmmm sorry, just too loud in here. oh well, my stop….

sometimes it is better to take the next bus, after all.

3 comments:

PunkRockRunner said...

Actually, the Chicago Transit Authority publishes a very comprehensive bus schedule. The schedule is posted at most bus stops and is available for download on-line. This being the case, ANOTHER bus will come along within 20 to 30 minutes depending on the route, time of day and day of the week (excluding holidays). My point is, baring any unforeseen circumstances; you can in fact determine when the next bus will come along.

I can’t help you with the other people on the bus but I do recommend you call your mother to apologize.

Funny (but you knew that).

Punky.

BradyDale said...

How do these things happen to you? Seriously... that was how she tried to chat you up?

Wow.

I think you should do a post of photos of yourself practicing holding a surlier expression so that people wouldn't try to talk to you so much.

Then again, if you got good at looking surly, that would be the end of "Jenna Theater." So don't do that.

Jocelyn said...

Chris is also effected (or is it affected?) by static electricity. Winter sucks because of this! You should have punch that woman on the bus@