Wednesday, January 12, 2011

The Art of Making Dinner on the Run

is it better to just forget the past and move on?

if you forget the past did it even happen?

if no one talks about it and a tree falls down in the middle of it, does it make a sound?

i am feeling too fucking inquisitive for one blog.

is there a way to get what you want without having to do something you don’t want?

for instance, right now i want a peanut butter and jelly sandwich.

but what i don’t want is to have to get up.

or get the bread out.

or put the peanut butter on the bread, followed by the equally annoying jelly task.

then you have to put all that shit away.

and depending on the type of person you are, you might have to use two knives.

or a knife and a spoon.


i don’t judge.

and because i am one of those people, i would have to use a knife for the peanut butter and then a separate utensil for the jelly.

while they combine on the sandwich, never should the two combine in the jar.

i also freeze my bread so i’d have to toast that bad boy up.

which means getting the toaster out.

wow i waste a lot of time thinking about things.

i guess i’m the thinking man’s drinker.

this is why i don’t cook.

all you have to do is open the beer and you’re done.

i will wait for instant gratification.

and how strong is your tie to onions?

mine is weak at best.

i hate awkward bathroom eye contact.

fellas back me up here.

i mean, true i don’t have to see anyone’s junk but i'll know if you just took a smelly shit and i think that can be just as bad.

don't look at me.

i’m feeling anti you today.

but on the plus side i am feeling very pro me.

and very pro boobs.

which is convenient.

this week in jenna theatre, jenna was on the train heading to see a movie when two things happened at the same time. first she realized she was heading in the wrong direction and two the train stopped and was being evacuated. as she realized she needed to get the train going downtown she started to run back into the station, that now had smoke pouring out of it.
cta worker – yo, girl, you can’t go in there. the trains on fire.
jenna – ok, but that’s just the uptown train right?
cta – right.
jenna – so there is no fire on the downtown trains.
cta – the station is being shut down.
jenna – ok, but can i just run in there and hop on the downtown train?
cta – you see the smoke?
jenna – yea…
Cta – then no you cannot.
jenna – how bad is the fire?
cta – you really want to jump on a burning train?
jenna – hmmm
cta - really?
jenna - not really…ok, i’ll figure something out..ummm…thanks…and good luck with the whole fire thing.

yes ladies and gentlemen, i became one of “those people.”

i wouldn’t dish it out if i couldn’t take it.

but i’m still not making a fucking peanut butter and jelly sandwich.


PunkRockRunner said...

If a dream comes true is it still a dream. Yup, I just blew your mind.

Just when you think you know someone you find out that not only do they need multiple utensils to make your standard sandwich they toast the bread for a PB&J. With just one post, my world has been shattered and I no longer have a hero (as in Wonder Woman, not sandwich).

Yeah for pro-boobs!!!


Blackstocks said...

Hahaha. The worst part about the cooking is the prep, cleaning and actual cooking.

Great blog tiny one!

Jocelyn said...

I like that you boycott making a PB&J. You go girl! And when something is as important as a movie, we all become one of THOSE people :)
My sister can fight fire. You just live on the edge of DANGER!