Wednesday, February 10, 2010

The Art of Awkward - Year One

it's true, the art of awkward turns one today. so many ups and so many downs. but even if you just joined jenna on this awkward ride, you should know that she has been awkward for a very long time. a very long, long time. jenna was an awkward baby.
baby 1 - waaahhhh
baby 2 - wah wah
baby jenna - shhhhh

even back then she held a disdain for small children, preferring to keep to the company of adults and discuss kerouac, which most people only pretend to have read.
jenna (age 5)- "kerouac's writings reflect a frenetic, restless pursuit of new sensation and experience, and a disdain for the conventional measures of economic and social success…" thoughts?
sarah - lollipop?

kindergarten was very trying indeed. following an awkward growth spurt where she reached her full height in 6th grade and then proceeded to grow no more, jenna's awkwardness began to blossom in high school, where jenna found it difficult to remain upright (stupid walking) or socially adrift as bluntness often caused her some drama. she spent many a lunch with her effeminate drama teacher who needed an outlet to share his childhood traumas.
drama teacher - so, basically i haven’t talked to my mother in 20 years, ever since i came out and she tried to beat me with a spoon.
jenna (teen)- ok then, soo, do you want me to enter stage left or stage right?

some could even say that jenna became fully aware of her tendencies to attract random people who wished to talk to her, no matter their age or social rank then. as she moved into adulthood, jenna discovered a whole new set of awkwardness, such as, how much information was too much information to share on an interview?
jenna - so, i guess i first became interested in micro-brews when i was working as a beer goddess. there are some amazing beers out there, not that coors or miller isn’t a good beer to drink, or anything. but if you get some of these other beers, you will notice a big difference…have you had triple horse? what! you haven’t tried triple horse yet? are you out of your mind? leave…leave now and go and try this beer…screw it, i’ll come with you….

or should she leave the room while her professor breaks down and starts crying over her recent divorce during office hours?
professor - i loved him, you know? i loved him (sobbing)
jenna - aw, i’m sure you did…um….do you want, like, a moment (woman hugs jenna) oh, ok…
professor - he just left me…just left….

questions like these plagued jenna throughout the years the answers were often times awkward. it would seem obvious that with jenna’s natural abilities with people, she would be a natural in the world of waitressing.
jenna - can i take your order?
girl - do you have any spaghetti?
jenna - this is a mexican restaurant
girl - but what i really want is spaghetti and meatballs.
jenna - and i want a million dollars but it ain’t gunna happen here…

needless to say, she had great success as a waitress, but seeing how her tips went straight to paying her bar bill, decided her college education was better put to use at another job. a job where she had to ride the subway to and from work everyday, where her special ability to attract amazing people really came to fruition.
jenna - sir please zip up your pants
subway man - awww mama, you no fun!

baby - (staring at jenna)
jenna - (looking around)
baby - (staring at jenna)
jenna - (starting to freak out because a the baby is still staring at her)
baby - (still staring at jenna)
jenna - (changes subway cars at the next station)

through it all, jenna has tried to remain true to her falling off curbs, society questioning ways that has made awkward what it is today….

don’t be offended…it’s not like i know you.

hope you will hang around for another awkward year.


MEYA said...

This is awesome. I can't believe you have been openly awkward for a year! And making everyone laugh for a year.
Thanks for your funny, funny and yes, awkward, blog.

Jocelyn said...

Happy birthday!!!! :D
What an awkward life you have had my sister

blackstocks said...

HAHAHA! You had me in stitches from that first line. I could see the tiny baby jenna telling the other babies to be quiet.

Love it and have loved the blog! Thank you for making my Wednesdays that much more fun for the past year!

Michelle said...

So you came out being awkward as a child? How did your parents take the news? Just curious, because I was thinking of coming out as "awkward" but not sure how my mom will take this news. Can you give me any pointers awkward Jenna?

HAPPY PAPPY 1st AWKWARD BLOGIVERSARY!!! Please stay as awkward as possible so I/we/them can enjoy you!!!!

Love YA!!!!

Word Verification is Chick

PunkRockRunner said...

I'm must admit I don't understand this "Jenna" persons fascination for an alcoholic with a spontaneous writing style who constantly wrote of promiscuity, religion, drugs and travel. A man whose work was largely shunned as grossly sentimental and immoral by his critics. I just don't get it....

Also - Isn't describing someone as an "effeminate drama teacher" a bit redundant?

Do you think that if that subway baby could talk, he would have told YOU to zip up your pants?

A Very Happy Birthday Blog!!

All the best,

Arson Monet

PS - As a lover of 60's Beat Writers I think you would like to know that in 1983 I was offered a ride home from a Clash concert by Allen Ginsberg... True Story.

Susan said...

I was starting to worry - hadn't had my fix of awkward in two weeks. I was so relieved to see you back on your blog again today, and to learn it's your 1st birthday!

Happy birthday baby blog, and many many more. You have a great way with words (also a great way with Tall Boy, weird strangers, screaming babies, lonely dogs, stupid customers and everyone else whose path you cross!)

Thanks for my fix.

Encore said...

This is awkward, but you are not really our daughter. We found you on a subway.....staring at us. Who knew?
Thanks for a year of Awkard Wednesdays. Love the blog. You "tickle my brain"....Josie

Anonymous said...

Awkward, I think not. You are more like Kerouac, frequently employing idiosyncratically lyrical language. The rest of us are more like, well, Sarah asking for a lollipop. Side bar: That one made me laugh a bit too loud. Happy Blog Birthday! Keep us rolling for another year! Thanks. DH

Anonymous said...

Jenna this is a fantastic blog post. Happy Blogiversary and please continue to share awkward moments old and new.