Wednesday, February 24, 2010

The Art of Steal Poker Pieces from Puppies

just because you can, doesn't mean you should.

shoulda, coulda, woulda,


i miss you when you're away.

i wish i had a piece of you to remind me of you.

like a thumb.

or kidney.

or a heart.

nothing says i love you like a vital organ.

take another little piece of my heart, i’m trying not to eat that much chocolate anymore.

we can only find peace and quiet if you stop screaming at me.

i’m not sure we can ever have world peace. some people are just hot wired to start a war, even if it’s a war for peace.

i would go to war for a piece of the pie.

try not to fall to pieces, i don’t want to have to sweep up the mess. i’m no domestic diva.

i guess you don’t really fall to pieces. the best you can hope for is breaking into pieces if you fall hard enough.

enough of this foolishness.

enough is enough, which really means it isn’t too much, it’s simply enough.

most people don’t know what too much is.

too much is not good enough for some people.

most people know when there’s too much of a good thing, only when it becomes a bad thing.

if it becomes a bad thing, was it ever really a good thing?

or is that just all in our imaginations.

i wish i could walk around with a signed note from my elementary school teachers saying they never taught me grammar and spelling.

it’s all fine and good to try to teach kids organically and let them figure shit out on their own, but then when they are adults, they shouldn’t be held accountable.

i never won a spelling bee, but i did kick stacy’s ass in 5th grade.

give a little, take a little.

i wish my life was a musical. sometimes what i feel can only be expressed in song.

and if you can’t hold a tune, you will be fired from the show.

i have standards.

even if they are low.

it would really make my morning commute less crowded, and a lot more peaceful.

peace is in the eye of the beholder.

much like beer.

although the author of this blog does not recommend putting beer in your eye, and will not be held responsible for any stupidity that anybody around her might possess.

this week in jenna theatre, jenna is at a popular bookstore buying a book. at the checkout she encounters a clerk with an interesting sales tactic.
clerk – are you a *bookstore* member? you can save 10% today.
jenna – oh, no thank you.
clerk – total is $40.95
jenna – woa, wait, why is that so much?
clerk – it’s the membership.
jenna – but, i didn’t want it.
clerk – but you SAVE 10% today and every day after!
jenna – i’m good.
clerk – (getting angry) you buy books right?
jenna – yes, but not always here.
clerk – well, would you say you buy more than five books a year here?
jenna – i’m running late, i don’t want the membership, how much for my book?
clerk – well, i already charged you for the membership and i can’t undo it.
jenna – are you serious.
clerk – i have to call a manager. are you sure you don’t just want it?
jenna – i don’t want it, and if i did want it, i certainly wouldn’t buy it from you.
clerk – fine. your total is $14.95.
jenna – thank you…by the way, that was pretty ballsy. nice.
clerk – (laughing) i had to try.
jenna – for sure. does it actually work?
clerk – sometimes (hands jenna her bag) have a good day!
jenna – you too, good luck.

it’s all in how the pieces fall.

As the wise man, jimmy buffett says, “if we weren’t all crazy, we would go insane.”


Jocelyn said...

Ha nice jenna! I hope i don't fall into pieces ever. That sounds gross. I can't believe how ballsy that lady was! PS - I can carry a tune! I'll be in your musical :)

blackstocks said...

Yay! I really liked this weeks awkward. Such a nice flow and really great transitions. These keep getting better and better.

You can have my kidney any day!

Erika Beth, the Messy Chef said...

I wouldn't have been as nice to the clerk. Must have been at B&N. Sheesh. lol

PunkRockRunner said...

I assume you'll be blaming your grade school teachers for you thinking that the thumb is a vital organ. Everyone knows it's a muscle.

I can't hold a tune BUT I can hold a tuna fish sandwich. Can I be in the play? Actually, I'm a vegetarian so I wouldn't hold a tuna fish sandwich either. I'll show myself out.

Kinda cool that the sales clerk thought you worked on Wall Street. I mean who else would spend $25.00 to save $1.50?


Oh - I totally "get' the piece of my heart & chocolate reference.

Anonymous said...

Love your line about not falling to pieces cause you don't want to sweep up the mess. Not a domestic Diva. LOL

Inventive Spelling should have come with a warning for side effects. Warning: kids may carry their inventions for life.
Great Blog Josie

PS La la la I'm warming up for your musical in case you have tryouts.

Michelle said...

I cannot sing. I do not want to fall into pieces.

What book did you buy? Hey you don't want to save 10% today and every day???

Marathon Maritza said...

I sang in a band for 9 years, where do I sign?

Loved this!

Also what a crazy sales clerk!

BradyDale said...

I... I... I... I can't believe you didn't jump the counter and strangle that sales clerk. Seriously. That was the picture of patience. Wow.

I dislike that person profoundly.


Run2NY said...

ha ha ha - must have been B&N!! They always ask and think your stupid when you say "no thanks". Mind you I have bought enough books from there the past month to maybe warrant a discount; sigh - maybe I am the stupid one??? Oh maybe they should start a FF program - it might be more popular??

I cant sing, maybe I can be a stagehand? Or costumes? I make good dragons :)

Lauren said...

To echo Alex's comment, these do keep getting better. Flows very nicely!

Southbaygirl said...

"Beauty is in the eye of the Beerholder" one of my favorite shirts from a bar in Austin, Texas!