Wednesday, March 24, 2010

The Art of Forgetting What You Forgot

the minute you realize you don’t have anything, is the minute you realize you need something.

sometimes something is better than nothing, but nothing can be better than everything.

so, something has to change.

change can only come in twos.

or is it threes? i was never very good at math.

or clichés.

although everyone knows i spend my days swimming in them.

i guess that’s why they’re clichés.

such a clichéd response.

never fear, before you know it, i will probably change my mind.

i hope you don’t mind.

sometimes i fear i’ve lost my damn mind again.

well, i guess if you’ve lost your mind, you can’t really mind much after that.

mind over matter only matters when the matter is simply in your mind.

am i making too much sense for an early morning commute?

don’t worry, it’s all in your mind.

i think my mind’s eye might need glasses.

the future is blurry.

hindsight is rarely 20/20, despite what your optometrist might try to tell you, it is clouded with regret and hope, which only makes sense in your mind.

so never mind, on to happier thoughts.

i always seem to be around people when they are feeling the most like farting.

i know this because i am constantly smoked out of subways and elevators.

some would think of this as a curse.

i would agree.

or, if you were a glass half full kinda person, you could look at it like a continuing epidemic where people feel completely at ease around me and trust me with their natural gases.

but then again, when have i ever been a half glass full kinda person?

just the other day i was thinking to myself that i haven’t been inadvertently flashed in awhile.

what is this world coming to?

you’re going soft on me new york.

no pun intended.

this week in jenna theatre, jenna is getting a wrap from the deli where she goes for lunch several times a week. the man behind the deli counter, marcus, is excited to see jenna when she appears.
marcus – hello! how are you today? i’ve missed you! what will it be, the usual?
jenna – yup, sounds great!
marcus – so that white bread..
jenna – no whole wheat wrap..
marcus – (interrupting) oh right, sorry, pastrami, tomato…
jenna – umm no, actually turkey, lettuce…
marcus – (interrupting) oh, right i got you now
(starts to pull out pickles)
jenna – no pickles, just spicy mustard and oil and vinegar.
marcus – and ranch right?
jenna – no…
marcus – southwest sauce?
jenna – nope just mustard.
marcus – ok (finishes wrap) it will be a few minutes for the fries.
jenna – i’m good….
marcus – oh that’s right, no fries! ok, well, see you tomorrow!

i wonder who he thinks i am.


blackstocks said...

Hey! Nice job tiny one! Interesting contrast this week; some deep thought provoking stuff to start followed by the standard laugh out loud material at the end. Stimulating on many levels!

Favorite line of the week:
"i think my mind’s eye might need glasses."

Not sure why, but I thought this was both funny and thoughtful at the same time.

Keep up the good work!

Jocelyn said...

I really like the first quote/line you used. Not to make this cliche or anything but your blog rocks. Maybe its you farting in subways and elevators? he ALMOST got your order right!

PunkRockRunner said...

So, if you have nothing left to lose THEN you need something to lose? Are you involved in a vicious self for-filling prophecy of loss?

I must also point out that losing your mind only proves that you're incredibly irresponsible. Check the lost-n-found.

You're mind's eye? Is your mind a cyclopes? Weird.

Swimming in cliches? All this time I've been swimming in quiche (explains the weight gain).

Way to leave an impression on Marcus!!

You're blog posts always make me try harder to be as funny as you. One day, when I have nothing left to lose, maybe I'll give you a run for your money.

Good day,

Buttons Edinboro III

PS - Best place to fart? Airplanes.

MEYA said...

I agree with Jocelyn that maybe it's YOU who is farting on subways and line: "I wonder who he thinks I am."
And this gem: "mind over matter only matters when the matter is simply in your mind."
Great stuff!
You go girl! (I wanted to end this with a cliche).

Lauren said...

Nice word play this week!
To the sandwich conversation, perhaps you have a doppelganger running around? hahaha

Micky said...

I always liked....If you want to make changes in your life then you need to make CHANGES in your life.

"sometimes something is better than nothing, but nothing can be better than everything." my favorite quote of the day.

Love reading you!