is nothing sacred to you people?
i hope not.
this is hardly the place for such a discussion.
what’s with people saying ‘holy shit’?
i mean, are we all really talking about religious poop?
as a rule of thumb, i don’t like fart or pooping humor.
but i hardly ever use my thumb to measure, so who’s to say?
for something so small, thumbs sure are a bossy bunch.
the thumb has really taken a hit since the decline of hitchhiking.
you should try to avoid mooning a police officer.
the weather makes me feisty.
which really confuses those in my life.
i am morally opposed to umbrellas.
if i have to be caught, i prefer to be caught in the rain.
then everyone suffers.
even though i appreciate my personal space, i would certainly not mind if i had a professional masseuse side-kick.
i hate the kindness guilt trip.
you know the one i mean, the “i was so nice to you, but now i’m incredibly inconvenienced so you should feel bad for me, oh no, i couldn’t possibly hear of any repayment because that would take away from the massive aren’t i awesome and don’t you suck guilt trip i plan on giving you for the next 4-5 weeks”
not that this has ever happened to me.
i am excited for baseball season to start.
gives me another reason to yell really loud and drink beer at the same time.
america’s pastime indeed.
once when i was working at a restaurant i got a note from a drunk guy written on the check. the note said “my name is mike, my heart was recently broken. i'm looking for someone that i can treat like a princess....or just stick my dick in...you can decide. call me at ###-####”
i did not call him (shocking, right ladies?) but i thought the note was sweet.
men really know how to romance a girl, don’t they?
this week in jenna theatre – jenna is running on the treadmill. some guy comes up next to her and looks over at jenna’s pace. he’s decked out in what looks like brand new shoes and goes through his stretching routine, clearly having missed the deodorant routine and looks back at jenna’s treadmill again. he sets his to the same speed and incline. jenna is doing interval training today so she increases her speed. the man next to her sees this and increases his speed. jenna then lowers her speed for recovery, the man does the same. this is repeated several times. he is clearly not able to run the same workout as jenna, but that is not stopping him from trying. he is now panting and sweating and half hunched over, holding onto the sides of the treadmill, swearing. normally, this wouldn’t have bothered jenna, except he kept leaning over her treadmill bars to look at her speed. annoyed and eager to finish her workout, jenna ramps up the speed to knock out the last few minutes and the man does the same. if he was having trouble before, this was a new level of hell for him. suddenly, the speed wins and the man goes flying off the back of the treadmill in the most beautiful turn of events.
sometimes things work out better than you ever could have hoped for.
and sometimes, even a little bit better.