plain and simple.
you’re simply the best, but only if you’re the only one in a room.
then you’re simply there.
nothing is ever quite that simple, especially when trying to cook chicken.
so simple, even a child could do it, if that child was, in fact, all mensa and shit.
geico has ruined cavemen for me.
remember that geico cavemen tv show they tried to have?
simple, simon says.
life is deceptively simple. it’s people that fuck it all up.
that’s where beer comes in, which can also fuck it all up too.
it’s a fine, fine line.
i find fine lines are the best ones to tightrope across.
less mess, more stress.
a prospect that’s simply irresistible.
nothing is what it seems when you forget to take off those 3-D glasses after the movie.
it doesn’t matter what i say, you’re not listening to me anyway.
my patience is paper thin.
not construction paper thin, but like, rice paper thin.
nothing makes me happier than when someone falls off their horse.
i’m not picky about the height.
at least pretend to be working.
sometimes i think you’d look better with a fork sticking out of your head.
one would think i had anger management issues.
on the contrary, i manage my anger very well.
otherwise, there’d be a lot more cutlery incidents.
this week in jenna theatre, jenna is talking to a friend, who we’ll call joan. joan is telling jenna all about her new diet.
joan – sooo, i finally did it! i’m eating vegan and raw now.
jenna – vegan and raw? wow, that’s pretty intense, but hey, congrats.
joan – well, i really needed to lose weight and i felt bad for the animals and they say that following a vegan diet is a great way to be healthy and that gwyneth paltrow does raw and she is super skinny, so i’ve been doing it for about a week now.
jenna – how much weight have you lost?
joan – none yet, but it’s been super easy.
jenna – easy? really? i would imagine it would be kind of a challenging to do.
joan – not at all. this morning i had a turkey sausage omelet with raw onions.
jenna – umm…isn’t that like, the opposite of vegan?
joan – what do you mean? i’m not eating any animals.
jenna – well, the sausage…
joan – it’s turkey, turkey’s a bird.
jenna – well, if i remember correctly from my vegetarian days, i don’t think there is that much of distinction. and then there’s the eggs…
joan – i can’t eat eggs?
jenna – they come from chickens. and then everything was cooked…
joan – except the onion was raw
jenna – ahh, right, but i’m not entirely sure that negates everything else.
joan – really?
jenna – i think so.
joan – well, shit.
jenna – indeed.
and sometimes it really is, all that simple.