Tuesday, May 11, 2010

The Art of The Lost Little Lamb

i'm going on the lam.

is that the same as going on a lamb?

where is the fast lam?

can one purchase a lam ahead of time in the unlikely even that you will need to go on one?

and furthermore, what's with peacocks?

i think hard worker takes on a different meaning after a liquid lunch.

i swear there is one ant that is stalking me.

i was so hungry in the train that I sat next to some kids and started eating out of their bag of potato chips.

they were a bit too greasy.

you don't actually have to sit on my lap for this train ride.

sometimes i can hold my own ground. if you ain't moving, i ain't moving.

i hate people touching me.

well, i hate ugly people touching me.

also, if you seem to have any kind of disease or illness i'm not too big of a fan.

i hate how inferior i feel when i go to the hair salon.

don't judge me just because i don't understand the concept of double processing.

i will cut you with those freaking scissors.

and would it kill the hair dressers to actually look like they are paying attention when they cut hair?

i swear i thought i was gunna lose an ear.

we can't all be brittney spears.

i need a snack.

i spy with my little eye, a baby with a bag of carrots.

remember that game, i spy?

makes ya wonder how many private investigators that brought out of the woodwork.

well johnny, what do you wanna be when you grow up?

well, i don't know...but i do like the game, i spy...

i would be a terrible vampire.

this week in jenna theatre, jenna is at the pharmacy during her busy lunch hour dropping of a prescription she has filled before.
ted the pharmacist – ok, you’re all set. are you going to wait?
jenna – can you just check to make sure you have it in stock?
ted – yea, we should have it.
jenna – are you sure?
ted – yeah, it’s pretty common.
jenna – can you maybe check? last time, i had to wait like an hour and you didn’t have it.
ted – i’m sure we do.
jenna – ok great, so i’ll just wait.
(about 45 minutes later, jenna’s name is called)
ted – so it looks like we don’t have your prescription, so i’ll have to order it and it should be in tomorrow by 2.
jenna – what.
ted – your prescription should be here tomorrow at 2.
jenna – but…but...

sometimes you run into a wall.

sometimes you fart.

sometimes, when you fart, shit happens.


Jocelyn said...

I spy with my little eye an awesome blog!
Hahah you need a new pharmacist. ASAP. Shit happens :D Great job sister

Blackstocks said...

Hahaha...I hope you did not get caught stealing chips from those kids on a train.

Great blog awkward one!! I like the early release too.

"sometimes you fart.

sometimes, when you fart, shit happens."

That line is WAY too funny...and gross. But awesome.

Can't wait for the next installment

PunkRockRunner said...

Ewe would go on the lamb. The best part about going on the lamb is you typically come back with a sweater. But we won't call it a comeback :-)

I think I have an Aunt who is stalking me...

I'm confused. Was it the chips or the kids who were greasy? Or is it whom?

I think if you lose an ear the obvious comparison would be Van Gough and NOT Britney Spears?

You should check out the song "hair dresser on fire".

Another funny awkward and it's even a day early which means we'll have to wait 8-days until the next one...

Yours Sincerely,

The Liquid Genius.

MEYA said...

Funny, funny shit....which happens when I read your blog.

jt00ct said...

Seriously, I want a copy of the book.

Thanks for saying what we are all thinking.