Wednesday, May 5, 2010

The Art of Nipping Ninja's in the Butt.

you should probably look where you’re going, because i sure as hell ain’t.

why do people say look out below when they should really be saying look out above?

if i look out below, how will i see the hammer that’s hurling at me from above?

and really, who out there is not looking before they leap?

if you are stupid enough to not look where you’re leaping, you deserve to fall.

you can take a leap of faith, but no one ever tells you where commence with the leapage.

it’s important not to look for something that isn’t there, because you are sure to find it.

true love is never blind.

unless your true love is actually blind.

i don’t think there is a pecking order. everyone around me just seems to peck at me indiscriminately.

i’d peck back, but who has the time.

i realized after a week of unabashed staring on the subway, that my sunglasses, were in fact, not opaque.

i’m not sure i’m a fan of the word opaque.

sometimes talking to you is like pulling teeth.

well, i assume it would be like pulling teeth, because i have never actually pulled teeth, so i’m not really qualified to make that statement.

and is pulling teeth really that difficult in this day and age?

and what the fuck age is it anyway?

how come when our cell phones run out of power, we say our cell phone died?

when i run out of energy and go to sleep, no one says i died.

boss told me he’d had enough of my lip.

just my lip? really? how about the rest of me?

oh mamma, it is gunna be a long, hot one.

this week in jenna theatre, jenna is pissed off because she got off the train at the wrong stop and had to walk to another train stop for a transfer. as she’s waiting to cross the street, a woman handing out free METRO newspapers approaches.
woman (screaming)– metro? metro? you want the metro. free!
jenna – no thanks
woman – it’s free metro. take it.
jenna – i’m ok thank you.
woman – why you won’t take it?
jenna – i won’t have time to read it.
woman – take it, he take it (she shoves a metro at a man)
jenna – i don’t want it, but thanks.
woman (screaming) – why you such a bitch? everyone take free metro.
jenna – everyone but me.

and then i ninja kicked her.

you don’t fuck with the awkward one.

ok, i didn’t really ninja kick her, but wouldn’t that have been fucking awesome?

sometimes, i’m just a hero in my own mind.

but then again, aren’t we all?

7 comments:

blackstocks said...

OMG. That was really really funny!!

People in my office were yelling at me to go to lunch with them, but I needed to stay and read this...it was well worth it!

Lines I loved especially this week:
"true love is never blind...unless your true love is actually blind."

"how come when our cell phones run out of power, we say our cell phone died? when i run out of energy and go to sleep, no one says i died."

Oh man you are too funny sometimes!

Nice work awkward one!

Jocelyn said...

Hahah i hate when love is blind. And when I ran out of energy during the Marathon this weekend, I think I died. Thus, I am like a cell phone! :D God, you are suck a bitch for not taking the free Metro! hehehe LOVE YOU sister! :D great post!

PunkRockRunner said...

Technically, it really wouldn't matter if you looked before you leaped because it implies that you're leaping anyway. I wonder, does this apply to a leapfrog. I wouldn't think so because "leaping" is what they do for a living so I would think they have it down and would not need to look, right?

A more fitting approach would be "look, and then decide if you would like to proceed with said leap". I'm assuming you're referring to curbs anyway.

I knew a girl in high school named Faith. Not much of a leaper that one.

Maybe talking to me is like pulling teeth because of all the drool and discomfort. Maybe..

Two thumbs up this week.

RJH

Anonymous said...

.. "look out below" its another great post!! I love the pecking order line and that you'd peck back ".. but who has the time?"
Thanks for making my day. GoJGo

Lauren said...

I'd like to see your ninja kick. And everyone DOES take the free metro...they broke the mold with you! ;)

GoJo said...

You are my ninja hero. You kick booty with this blog. .....and that is not just in my mind.

BradyDale said...

You're so good at finding people I never saw who make me mad.

Your thing about finding people reminded me of one of my favorite parts from THE ZERO EFFECT (a really, really underrated movie with Ben Stiller and Bill Pullman). Darryl Zero, the Eponymous Character, gives advice sometimes throughout the movie on the art of investigation. He says something like,

"A note on looking for things.
"If you go looking for one thing, you are very unlikely to find it, because of the unbelievable number of things in the world.
"But if you go looking for anything, you are very likely to find something."