Wednesday, January 26, 2011

The Art of Muscle Relaxers

i have a problem with mouth wash.

the bottle sizes are irrational.

i have yet to possess a medicine cabinet where one of those big fuckers fit.

i hate the way mouth wash burns.

and if it doesn’t burn, how do i know it’s really mouthwash?

you never know who wants to talk about pee.

a bus ride with more that 2 people talking to themselves in more than 2 languages?

that's what you call win win.

i think i was just your placeholder.

i hate when i like something i swore to hate.

makes me hate it all over again.

i guess it completes the cycle.

you won’t hear that shit on lion king.

i’m not interested in making sense.

maybe i should read this over when i’m not on muscle relaxers.

hello sidewalk.

where would be the fun in that?

that girl was a barrel of monkeys.

monkey see monkey do.

has anyone ever had sea monkeys?

remember when they used to try to sell those in the back of magazines?

i always wanted a sea monkey.

until i realized it wasn’t actually a monkey.

now i just want a monkey.

but i digress.

monkey is one k away from money.

the more you know.

this week in jenna theatre…how jenna fell on the sidewalk. 
jenna was walking from the bus stop to school in a slight bit of a rush, when she decided that instead of waiting for the ok to walk sign she would dart across the street. now most of you might be thinking, well this is how she fell. no this is not. she quickly dashed across the street, dodging passing cabs that seemed out to get her in what felt like a crazy version of frogger. once she was safely across the street she dodged a group of fast walking business men sliding under an awning. she continued down the slippery sidewalk, avoiding the icy patches the salters had just missed. the final crossing of the street came and she lost her balance for a second but quickly regained her composure to complete the trek. as she went to enter the turnstile doors she tripped over her own two feet and proceeded to face plant directly into the glass doors that someone was trying to turn at that exact moment. reeling from the fall, she quickly stepped back and lost her balance, falling on a patch of ice on the sidewalk.

what can ya do?


PunkRockRunner said...

You should just leave the bottle of mouthwash on the bathroom counter. Yes, I know this would require you to move the large bottle of whiskey back to the kitchen. Better yet, kill two birds with one stone and just buy a bottle of peppermint snaps. Minty!!

According to the official “Amazing Live Sea-Monkey” website:

“Sea-Monkeys® are a unique species of brine shrimp, known by the scientific name of Artemia NYOS. We not only unlocked the most elusive secrets of their life cycle, we created new formulas to keep them alive under conditions found in the average home—an accomplishment never before achieved! Finally, after years of crossbreeding, we developed a hybrid. These amazing new hybrids grow larger and live longer than any "natural" variety of brine shrimp. Resulting from the most exquisitely sophisticated “aquaculture technology”, by true pioneers in this science, only the utmost resources of a leading marine biological research center working for a span of many years has made this project a complete success.”

I don’t know about you, but $20.00 for a genetically mutated species that comes with a “Growth Guarantee” seems like the best deal ever…

I’ll check the security camera to confirm but I suspect a curb and/or umbrella was involved in your fall.

Farewell Tiny One,


Lauren said...

Tough fall!!!Sounds like something I would do, don't feel bad! I love the randomness of the post! Good job!

Blackstocks said...

YAY! Nice job tinny!

I loved the part about Sea Monkeys. We had a lot of them in my house growing up. My mother even tried to convince my brother that he was a sea monkey...still effects him to this day.

Keep it up! Can't wait for next week.

Anonymous said...

Mouthwash is NASTY-ASS! That is all.