Wednesday, April 1, 2009

The Art of the Not-So-Funny Knock Knock Joke

violence really is my answer for everything. bored? punch someone in the face.

sometimes the best way to help someone is to push them down the stairs. you're welcome, old man.

is religion a restriction or a freedom?

some people look like pedophiles. especially pedophiles.

if you will excuse me a personal moment, i must confess, i am so excited for baseball season i cannot even find words to express it! also, someone please notice the fact that i am wearing jeans i have not been able to fit into since last year.

i am done with subway musicians. and especially done with mariachi bands.

pre cut vegetables excite me.

I LOVE GREEN PEPPERS! and i don't care who knows it.

i have accomplished something.

whatever your personal theory on deodorant is, trust us (the rest of the world) when we tell you to fucking wear some.

i spend most of my time writing this blog on the subway or waiting for something to begin. i feel like i always waiting. (Waiting for life to people?)

have you ever been in an elevator with someone who smells like they have on every perfume ever made?

just because it says apple on it, bringing your laptop on the subway and listening to the music, does not, in fact make that an ipod.

some might think i don't take risks. not true. i will try any shot you put in front of me, as long as it's free.

are you mad that i have a life that doesn't involve you?

onions are by far the foulest thing people eat. i don't get it. it makes you and your food smell like armpits. would you lick an armpit of a football player after the big game? no? then fucking stop eating fucking onions. especially in small places. it's kind of the same thing.

i hate watching skinny people eating mcdonalds. it's just wrong.

i won a staring contest with a baby.

don't take it personally, i don't listen to a lot of people.

i decided to cook spaghetti tonight. i bought peppers, meat, sauce, whole wheat spaghetti. i felt so italian and so like a bertolli commercial that i decided i would have a glass of wine while i cooked.

i need to buy another bottle of wine.

cooking wine does not taste like wine. perhaps they should call it something a little less misleading. like ass.

cooking it over rated. that's the main reason i moved to new york. for the take out bitches!

hi, my name is jenna, and i think my boobs, rock. sorry.

i apologize for everything. but i'm not really sorry.

while i never feel like boycotting leather, when i see a fur coat, i have the urge to throw red paint.

ma'am, there is a face on your stole.

i am 800 miles from nowhere.

empty minds rattle loudest when it rains.

i might jay walk, but i will never open another persons mail.

i slit the inside of my cheek with a plastic spoon. what is this world coming to where you now have to check the surface of your plastic cutlery?

wake up, it's your stop!

i might have salmonella poisoning. i licked raw chicken. it's really not that interesting of a story. but if i die, i'll keep you posted.


Jocelyn said...

I couldn't agree with you more...deodorant is a MUST!

Meya! said...

Sooooo funny! I was laughing out loud at so many things. Pedophiles and Cooking wine especially!

Anonymous said...

Empty minds rattle loudest when it rains.... I'm going to take a personal moment and ponder that one.