Wednesday, May 6, 2009

The Art of Doing the Hokey Pokey...

..and not turning yourself about, damnit!

i would like to come to fisticuffs now please.

it's not cyberstalking it's called being curious to a dangerous degree.

it's hard to play hooky when you're already there.

ok people, fess up, who made out with the swine?

the "best damn sports show" top 50 best plays ever, just made me tear up a bit.

once again, i have surprised everyone by behaving exactly as i always have.

i am so mysterious.

i am sure i am forgetting something important here.

i doubt i will live up to anyone's low expectations.

best thing about national pandemic? one cough gets you more room on the subway.

also, those surgical face masks are ridiculous. i saw a woman in a black dress and pearls wearing one this morning. it made my day.

the spark of creation feels an awful lot like heartburn.

if you are talking out loud to someone for more than 5 minutes, and you have gotten no response, perhaps your next course of action should be to shut the fuck up!

wow. seems like somebody is already drunk.

you are so irritating you make my hair follicles hurt.

people always say don't live life with regret, but regret tastes so much like chocolate, i find it hard to let go.

i want to make this blog more of a collaborative one. insert your own joke here. hope you feel better now.

i love TV nerds.

i'm cheating on you with baseball.

it is a challenge to keep stroking the egos of those in the wrong.

while i like to stand during the national anthem, i don't see how having a cold head will show respect to my country.

especially if you get a look at the bad hair day that is happening underneath most hats. in some cases, perhaps more respect could be had if the hats were kept on.

you can repeat yourself as many time as you like, but until you tell me what you actually need, i will be unable to assist you.

i think taking allergy medicine, tylenol pm and valium must be what being inside a bubble feels like.

never joke with a man in a suit.

you're not the boss of me.

i am always half-way to gone.

and remember kids, when in doubt, bite someone.


blackstocks said...

Wednesdays are quickly becoming my favorite day of the week! Nothing like a good belly laugh to break up the monotony of the day.

Also on the coughing note - yesterday I coughed in my office and everyone walked out. I think I am going to try coughing whenever my boss walks into the room from now on.

Jocelyn said...

I agree about the hats. I mean I wear hats when I am having a bad hair day. Why do I have to show the country my oil mess? Love you sister!!! :D

Lauren DiGiacomo said...

Ha totally agree about the swine flu thing on the subway---I like funny looks just for sneezing.
And you're write, the biting thing does work. ;)