Wednesday, May 27, 2009

The Art of Making Lemonade Out of Liver

there will be no resting on laurels here.

all vacations must come to an end. they have to. or else they’d be called life.

i'm not sure kids should be allowed on airplanes. i understand this might be a better alternative to driving kids for their parents, but i'm not certain my ear drums will ever be the same.

i am now only announcing our imminent death to the passengers within ear shot. i feel this is an improvement over my previous behavior of screaming it to the entire plane.

i hate sitting by the engine. i don't want to be the first to know when it falls off the plane...

there are some people who should not be allowed on boats. mainly because the urge to push them over the railing it too strong.

the plane does not have room to accommodate your plant.

i hate the smell of desperation.

i would like to be paid. just, because.

don't fart in elevators.

sometimes i wish i were a kid again, if only to walk around disney dressed as “belle.”

i've always wanted to be a part of a festive brouhaha.

i might be too insecure for social networking.

who left the scotch out?

i cannot offer proof of life.

don't tell me i can't do something. i don't want to have to go through the trouble to prove you wrong. i'm too damn lazy.

i never do my hair. i just wash it, wake up, and hope for the best.

i happen to excel at doing nothing.

if you happen to see it, please return it.

i will never understand michael vicks.

i will also never understand mike tyson, but he has that whole lisp, high-pitched voice thing to contend with.

i love hearing about people's shit. just not from the people themselves. they always give their drama a positive spin.

i've been thinking about growing out my bangs, but then i'd have to face my forehead every morning.

sometimes i don't have that satisfied feeling that comes from accomplishing something huge.

does that mean it wasn’t huge after all?

while i do not have anything of any particular value, today i am finding myself particularly territorial over my desk.

lost in translation. translated into french.

sometimes i fear i have become invisible.



can you even read this?


i managed to make it 4 days on a slippery wet boat, wearing slippery flip flops, and not slip one single time. however, in tennis shoes, on land and in sunshine i manage to slip at least 4 times. touché sneakers.

the louder the horn, the slower i move.

i have been working very hard to not do one single thing. so far, so good.

disney in the rain, is still disney.

why does beer taste so damn good?

if you're bored, than you're boring. or at least, you're probably boring to me.

finding seltzer in the south is like finding jesus in your toast, highly unlikely and extremely suspect.

(My apologizes to Jesus if he has, in fact, appeared in toast.)


Jocelyn said...

First of all i would never want to make lemonade out of liver, that's gross. I now want to participate in a brouhaha. I don't know what it is, but it sounds fun. I think you WOULD want to be the first to know when the engine fails so you can start you escape route ASAP...knock over the old lady, step on the crying children, over the disabled man and out of the plane!

WELCOME BACK! I missed you best friend

Anonymous said...

Wow! This one was one of your best yet. I love the randomness tied with the deep insights. So awesome. Love my Wednesdays!

Lauren said...

Sooo my birthday dinner can be your brouhahaha. Are you guys coming? Hope to see you there! I feel much better now that Awkward Wednesdays are back!