Wednesday, October 21, 2009

The Art of Short, Sweet, and Lacking a Point

i'd be a nurse, but i really hate sick people.

i'm not surprised, just over waxed.

have you ever done a walk of shame past a group of 4th graders?

“mommy, why doesn’t she have any panties on?”

i don't know what they could possibly sell in a church gift shop.

you never think about the impact of gravity until a pair of scissors fall on your leg.

i now know what burnt x-mas smells like.

why do they put an ‘X’ in for the first part of the word christmas? if they are trying to replace the ‘christ’ part, shouldn’t they use a 't'?

i find your lack of faith disturbing. i also find your lack of pants disturbing.

yankee fans are like republicans. they never shut the fuck up about anything.

see, i’m an equal opportunity offender. ain’t no discrimination here.

i hate sentences that begin with, i love you but…

am i the only one who doesn't like to have their butt rubbed against a strangers butt? after riding the subway this morning, i'm not so sure.

i’m not cheap, i’m under paid.

you never said you missed me. i guess you never did.

when people say dreams come true, this concerns me. i have some pretty fucked up dreams.

there was one dream that involved a burning upside down airplane and some midget horses with fangs.

do men wear shorts in 40 degree weather to indicate masculinity and sexual prowess? to me, it indicates stupidity, and lack of judgment. also, possible shrinkage.

i often excuse myself from conversations i am not part of.

does anything need to be done up that high?

my anxiety has anxiety.

this week in jenna theatre, jenna is talking to a friend about great tv shows.
friend - i really love that show dexter
jenna - i can't really watch too much of it, but what i've seen looks great. that actor from six feet under is awesome.
friend – yea, he’s pretty amazing. it’s weird, but there is something about that character i identify with.
jenna - you identify with dexter?
friend - yeah...
jenna - well, there is something likable about him, but...
friend - no, it's more than that. i just feel a lot like him.
jenna – hmmm. you know he's a serial murderer, right?
friend - well not that part…
jenna - …and he lacks a lot of normal emotions
friend - not that part either…
jenna - then what part do you connect with?
friend - i don't know...our sisters look a lot alike

i need to rethink some of my relationships.


Jocelyn said...

Church Gift shop...bibles!
"yankee fans are like republicans. they never shut the fuck up about anything." ahahhaha
Don't rethink our relationship :D Love you!

PunkRockRunner said...

These should come with an expiration date becuase last weeks was my favorite but only for a week.

4th Graders? Really Jenna? Really!?

I have a shirt purchased from a Church Gift shop that says "My parents went to confession and all I got was this lousy t-shirt". I'm assuming they have more like "I survived John 3:14" but I'm not sure.

Also - Isn't there a rapper named "TMAS" already? That might be why.

Oh, and we all have the tiny horse with fangs dream but I always thought it was Kate Moss - weird.

Thanks for making my day awkward.

Rock on!


blackstocks said...

Yay! My favorite Wednesday activity. Seeing as I have the swine flu I hope you don't hate sick people too much.

Great job again! I feel the same way about hose stupid Yankee fans...It gets worse when they're doing well. Grrr...

Do me a favor and stay away from the person who thinks they are like Dexter...that just cannot end well.

Anonymous said...

I look forward to Awkward Wednesdays – and Wednesday is the perfect day to for the detour you provide each week with Awkward. Your insight and quirky perspective on things is refreshing.
“i'd be a nurse, but i really hate sick people “ - this is the definition of a non-starter.
Good point about the impact of gravity. While gravity is still considered just a theory, scissors always fall – pointy side down on your leg or foot.
And the dream about a burning upside down airplane and some midget horses with fangs – very funny or -- maybe you need watch what you eat before going to bed

Anonymous said...

Equal opportunity offender...HA HA
As always, the Jenna Theatre snipet is amazing. J

Run2NY said...

LOL - these posts really cheer up my Wednesday's. I am not sure why, they just do.

MEYA said...

Great blog! Funny as ever. Love Jenna Theatre!

Lauren said...

I'm late to the party, but I still read it!

Agree about the Church Gift Shop.
And Yankee fans are SUPER annoying.
My anxiety has anxiety too :( lol that conversation with your friend...WTF? haha good job :)

Southbay Girl said...

i need to rethink most of my relationships!!!