Wednesday, December 23, 2009

The Art of Taking Too Much Time

i love the word plethora.

it’s fun to say.

plethora. plethora.

ok, now it just sounds dirty. i think i ruined the word a little.

life is full of little misses.

perhaps you missed your calling in life.

eh, don't worry about missing that one, those calls usually come in collect.

perhaps you missed the point, until it poked your eye out.

and you might need that eye, for beauty, beholding, and crap.

perhaps you missed your stop.

nothing can really help you there.

might as well man up about it.

man up, as if you can suddenly put balls on and deal with a situation better.

it would seem to me they would just get in the way.

boyz II men has a new album out. as they are no longer boys, perhaps they should change their name and be called men II death?

pushing me will not get you home any faster.

next stop. back off.

i would rather not stop in the name of love.

i will, however stop in the name of steve.

i don’t know a steve, but i enjoy the name.

wait, wait, wait! how do i not know a steve? this is actually upsetting me now. surely i know a steve. holy crap. i can’t think of a steve i know!

this will be my mission for the next week.

did you paper cut yourself?

bad moods come in threes.

i’ve always been more of an odd number person.

perhaps this explains my love of blackjack.

i like naming inanimate objects.

i named my friend’s kidney stone, joan.

and not because it rhymed, it just seemed like a good name for a kidney stone.

this week in jenna theatre – jenna is on the phone for her job, trying to convince people to use their internet access instead of the printed version which they normally receive, she places a call to an older distinguished professor from california, whom shall be called steve. she has made her pitch and is waiting to hear his reply.
steve- what is going green? i don’t understand going green.
jenna – oh, it’s just a saying. basically it’s just means trying to take care of the environment, you know, going green!
steve – i don’t understand. you want me to go green?
jenna – well, i mean, you can do what you want, we’re just letting you know there’s another option if you’re interested. we can still send you the paper copy if you’d like.
steve – tree hugger bullshit?
jenna – no, just trying to…
steve - are you from the democratic party?
jenna – umm, no..i’m from **place of work**
steve – those damn democrats keep calling me. wanting me to vote for the gays.
jenna – oh. ok. well, i’m not calling from them…
steve – i like the gays, don’t get me wrong. i’m not one of those homophobes or anything.
jenna – right. (silence) so, i’ll just send you the information on paper then…

i really hate the phone.

i sound like a 4 year old.

here’s hoping you and your's have a happy holiday, don’t eat too much, but please, whatever you do….try to drink too much.


PunkRockRunner said...

This is so weird. My buddy Steve and I were running last night and he told me about this little kid that called him and work trying to get him to buy Elton John tickets because it was good for Kermit the Frog. Was that you?

Maybe if you had "Calling Waiting" you would not have missed said calling.

I understand the whole "beauty is in the EYE of the beholder" but you lost me at "Crap". Is crap in the eye of the beholder too? Is that an art gallery reference?

Are you saying Maybe Boyz II Men should Manz up?

I name stuff too. I named my Plant "Robert". Get it?

I realize as I write this that there are a plethora of guys out there named Steve who think you're talking dirty to them.

Truth be told, I don't know anyone named Steve either.

Happy Holiday!


Jocelyn said...

Ha, funny stuff. I feel like we've had mutual friends named steve...but now I'm not too sure! Boys II men have a new CD out? Guess what I got you for Christmas!
Love you sister! Get here NOW!!!

Lauren said...

I like plethora too. Men II death. Ahahaha. I love your word play this week, so original!

You have the best, craziest people experiences. I already drank too much. Happy holiday miss you!

Michelle said...

I forgot to tell you my real name is Steve.

Feel better now??

I have an entire plethora of crap so call me!!!

I love your blog!!!!

Anonymous said...

I once had a dog and the vet told me she had a plethora of bladder stones. The vet was named Steve.
Loved your blog. Josie

Meya said...

Stephen Fox would be very upset right now. Joan says "Hi."