Wednesday, January 6, 2010

The Art of Selling the Cart Before the Horse

sometimes i think i missed out on my college dorm experience.

then i use the bathrooms at work and i feel ok.

i enjoy a version of little drummer boy that does not include a single drum.

that’s what you get for going to a unitarian church.

i don't know how to feel about new years.

i feel like it’s weird that it should mean so much to so many, like it should mark a change in something. that suddenly due to the clock turning midnight, something dramatic should change.

i suppose that there is a change.

but is there enough change to go around?

what should i do with the spare change?

i've been putting it in a jar by my bed.

i figure i can pay a bill or something with it.

a change we can all believe in.

this year for a change, i'll make a resolution.

this year i resolve to be more resolute.

it's not a revolutionary concept.

but at least, on the surface, it is conceptually sound. at least that's what they tell me.

don't even get me started on the proverbial them.

they are often as dull as mud.

you're a real stick in the mud.

you also look like a pig, too, but that's neither here nor there.

that expression baffles me. “stick in the mud.”

is this really a bad thing?

who out there has a real preference to whether or not their mud contains a stick?

does the discovery of said stick ruin any one's day?

is the mud then null and void?

must we call mud containing a stick another name?

and what of the children?

the children!

this week in jenna theatre – jenna is on the subway heading home from an annoying day at work. needless to say she is not in a chipper mood, so when a random guy is staring at her, then moves to sit next to her, she is not amused.
mark – what stop is next?
jenna – roosevelt ave.
mark – oh, ok, that’s what i thought.
mark – what time is it?
jenna – i don’t know.
mark – oh. they should put clocks in here.
mark – i’m mark, by the way.
jenna – hey
mark – and you are?
jenna – busy
mark – haha, like that actress?
jenna – yeah….sorry, i’m just trying to finish my book…
mark – i’m sorry.
mark - i just feel like i know you from somewhere.
jenna – is that so? probably not. i don’t really do anything.
mark – what do you do?
jenna – read
mark – maybe it’s fate…i’ve been into astrology lately….my horoscope said i’d meet someone in a new way…what’s your sign?
jenna – the middle finger…

just sayin.

but then again, i’m always, just sayin’…

you can call it what you’d like, but i still call it bullshit.

and bullshit, is always on sale.


blackstocks said...

This was different but i LOVED it! I really am enjoying how you are keeping themes consistent/playing of every line. Great flow had me laughing at every turn. Some gems:

"who out there has a real preference to whether or not their mud contains a stick?"

"then i use the bathrooms at work and i feel ok."

Oh man and that jenna theater was to die for! Great job! Can't wait for next Wednesday.

Jocelyn said...

You had a college dorm experience...
You can give me your spare change :)
If you are taking a mud bath, a stick would totally suck all the fun out of it

Great job! Love you sister

MEYA said...

Funny. Especially the mud stuff. I don't get that either. Drummer boy - hee hee hee. Was there really a version without a drum?? Laughed out especially loud at "The Children!"

PunkRockRunner said...


A Mud Bath... A mud bath seems to be a situation that, the presence of said stick could be a bad thing. And yes, I believe it could ruin ones day.

Additionally, “Stick in the mud is actually a short form of the verbal phrase ‘to stick in the mud,’ meaning to ‘stick’, or stay, in an unpleasant or demeaning situation, rather than dragging oneself out of the metaphorical mud.”

The bird turd. Sure, it was (bull)shit but it had googly eyes, feathers and two legs made out of pipe cleaners. On sale, or not, the bird turd seems to be the only bullshit I would be willing to pay for. You can find them right next to the pet rocks on aisle 7.

I think a remake of the "Little Drummer Boy" is in order. How about the "Little Cowbell Boy"?

Good day,


Lauren said...

Aww awkward how you brighten my day! Loved the wordplay (as usual) and did you really give that guy the finger? haha

Anonymous said...

I love this one:
make a resolution - I resolve to be more resolute - not a revolutionary concept
Very reliable, like AoA.

Anonymous said...

Enlightning as usual. Loved your change in a jar. Josie

Michelle said...

And what about the children?? I know they are out there. Perhaps, they are playing in the mud? With sticks!! See, it all makes sense now!!!

ggg said...

Youre focusing on the mud and I always focused on he stick.