Wednesday, June 9, 2010

The Art of Playing Chicken with Children

you say you cleaned up, i say you hid my shit.


where is my shit?

you can never go wrong with bacon.

sometimes in random situations i just shout out “bacon!”

it always seems like a good idea at the time.

there is something beautiful about hearing 'hotel california' sung with a lisp.

i had an urge.

it passed.

i root for who's ever hottest.

is that wrong?

i’m always on the wrong side of right, which makes me wrong.

which is a bit too redundant for a wednesday morning.

two wrongs don’t make a right, but three lefts make a right.

is that right?

i’m terrible with directions.

i usually just tell people to turn on my side, turn on your side.

i don’t always have time to make the “L” with my fingers.

in nyc you can’t make a right on red.

packing your belongs is a strange thing.

i found i have 20 staplers and a large amount of socks.

i didn’t know i had such strong stapling needs.

actually i don’t think i have ever stapled at home ever.

i don’t even think those staplers are mine.

i think somebody must have come into my house and placed them there without my knowledge.

i‘m just sayin’

i think i’m allergic to work.

not doing work, but the actual building i work in.

sidewalk sharing is a lost art.

sidewalk crashing is an art i’ve perfected.

punctuation is a thing of the past.


it’s never a free pass. there is always some cost.

just like there is never forgiveness.

never pass an opportunity to make it right.

especially if you fucked with me.

this week in jenna theatre, jenna is on the subway heading into work. a younger couple is standing against the door with their headphones on and their music playing so loud those around can understand the lyrics.
boy - (shouting to speak over his music) i don’t understand why you won’t come over tonight!
girl – (also shouting) i just don’t think this is a good idea!
boy – why not!?
girl – i mean, i like you and everything, but i’m not exactly sure that this will go anywhere!
boy – i don’t understand...last night you were thinking about moving in with me, and now you don’t want to be with me anymore!?
girl – i know, i wanted to tell you last night at the bar, but then i got drunk and you know how i get when I’m drinking!
boy – is that why you came over last night!?
girl – i didn’t want to go all the way back to brookyln!
boy – i can’t believe you’re breaking up with me!
girl – i’m sorry! (pause) i can’t do this anymore!
boy – i can’t believe you’re doing this to me!
man – (standing next to jenna shouts out) we all can! now shut the fuck up!

ahhh, young love at the highest volume.

the soundtrack of our lives.

makes me feel like a kid again.


PunkRockRunner said...

I'm assuming you've played that game 6-degrees of Bacon?

Imagine what the casting call for Footloose was like? BACON!!!


I'm assuming you either got drunk at an Office Supply House -or- dated a guy from Kinkos because no one "accidentally" has 20 staplers.

Girl broke up with me in high school and actually said "I like you BUT I'm not IN like with you".


Another winner :-)


Jocelyn said...

Think about all the things you can staple now! You could staple your socks!
to be fair, I wouldn't want to go back to Brooklyn either.

Michelle said...

How about shouting out TURKEY BACON??

I'm just saying? Some people don't eat pig but they eat turkey. So turkey bacon is the next logical step.

CALL ME!!!!!

Lauren said...

I ask my mom where my shit is all the time!!!
Sometimes Jenna Theatre is too good to be true!!
Great word play again, lady. :)

Anonymous said...

hahaha omg hilarious subway antics!!! I think you need to take your staplers to a staple shelter and maybe they can place them all in a good home ;)