Wednesday, June 30, 2010

The Art of Prime Numbers and Prosthetic Limbs

does anyone know what i want to be when i grow up?

don't let the boobs fool you, i'm not there yet.

personal space is at a prime rate.

i'm a fan of prime numbers, but i hate prime rib.

doesn't calling something prime really give you some high expectations?

i think i've performed beyond what one could have hoped for.

does that make me a prime target?

or the prime suspect?

either way, i didn't touch the donuts in the kitchen.

don't ask me, my opinion of you is less than flattering.

i dislike the word flatter.

the world would be a flatter place without you.

don't flatter me with empty words.

i'm already flat enough.

while i'm grateful we know the earth is round, wouldn't it be a bit more fun if it was flat?

if the world was flat, would people fall off?

it would give a whole new meaning to i’d go to the end of the world and back for you.

i hate when i find someone who says they learned english by watching tv.

i've watched a lot of spanish soap operas in my day and i've yet to learn anything beyond caliente, which i already knew due to my love of mexican food.

i love a mom who reads the new york times to her kids on the morning commute.

it's amazing how not humorous the paper can be.

some people's feet should never see the light of day.

to the person currently reading over my shoulder, i'm talking about you.

i'll do any diet you suggest, as long as it's main element is vodka.

after last night, i'd rather not say.

this week in jenna theater, jenna is walking to the bar to meet up with her friends when she encounters a woman, screaming at the top of her lungs into the phone in a voice that sounds like she is possessed by the devil. naturally, jenna slows down to hear.
woman - you are costing me 80 dollars, (nasty) i hope you're happy. (pause) i didn't want to go out! you forced this upon me! you forced this upon me! i wanted to go home and you forced this upon me. (pause) no, you did this. you will show up and you will be pleasant about it. or so help me god! (notices jenna looking at her) what the HELL are you looking at?
jenna - (smiles, points to the woman and waves)
woman - (on the phone) and now people are staring at me, beacuse of you!I DO NOT SOUND CRAZY!
jenna - (smiles and nodds) yeah, ya kind of do...

that is a prime example of someone who should never be allowed a cell phone.

(on a personal note, heroes come in all walks of life. one of mine crossed the line against all odds and gave me something to believe in. well done, ironman.)


PunkRockRunner said...

I was thinking how mean this post would have been if you used the word "fatter" and not "flatter"... awesome.

I would read my kids Mad Magazine on the train but I would hide it inside the current issue of "Guns & Ammo".

Most people would fall off, simply because they were not paying attention.

Thanks for all the help on Sunday!

Tony, Tony Stark...

Jocelyn said...

This is a no a PRIME blog sister!! The only Spanish I have ever learned revolves around Mexican food. I guess reading the NY Times to your kid is better than reading the obituaries to them?

Blackstocks said...

Hahahaha! Great great blog!

I loved the jenna theatre this week! It was hilarious!

Also "i've watched a lot of spanish soap operas in my day and i've yet to learn anything beyond caliente, which i already knew due to my love of mexican food." Right! HAHAHA

I can't believe you dont like prime rib!! Nice one tiny one :)

Michelle said...

Can some people's feet see the dark of night? Because if so, my feet would like to see it. HUH?

I'm a fan of prime rib, but prime numbers.....not so much. Because sometimes it takes a whole bunch of prime numbers to pay for a prime rib.


Lauren said...

Loved the wordplay this week, lady!! Glad I got a preview of Jenna Theatre before it was actually posted! ;)