The Art of First Time Users

it makes you think, maybe we're not thinking enough.

think about it.

you can try to tell me it doesn't matter, but it does.

whenever I see a truck with its door open, no driver and the keys in the ignition, i have to be physically restrained from jumping in and diving away.

i saw a tube of butt cream on the ground today.

yes, it said butt cream.

generic butt cream says a lot about a person.

someone somewhere is very unhappy.

there are some things you don't want any part of.

butt cream is one of them.

regardless of the size, whenever i carry a purse i feel like i'm suddenly one of those wide-load trucks.

i always manage to take someone out on the bus.

i think i might have given someone a concussion with my book bag.

i am a classified deadly weapon.

just ask the cia.

and the cta.

and the cpa.

and the csr.

but don't ask me to do cpr.

unless you're hot.

i might not be certified, but i'm not certifiable.

this week in jenna theatre, jenna is on the elevator with an older woman. the woman keeps staring at jenna. jenna is trying not to notice. finally the woman goes over and moves the scarf out of the way of the image on the shirt.
woman - oh shit, i thought that was a penis!
jenna - uh...no...it's not.
woman - looked just like one.
jenna - it's a alligator.
woman - really thought it was a penis....
(woman gets off at her floor)

one woman’s penis is another woman’s alligator.