Wednesday, September 9, 2009

The Art of Running Red Lights in Your Underwear

i can't tell if you're being funny or if you're being mean.

when i'm feeling self destructive, i like to buy cookie dough and a scale.

i cook best without a plan. maybe i should look at my life that way too.

it's no good swimming in the deep end.

tall people seem to really like tennis.

i keep mistaking that lady's arm for a fat baby.

curbs seem to exist simply for me to fall off.

it's an art. not a crime.

that is not amusing. and i laugh at everything.

someone asked me what kind of animal i thought i represented. i told them to fuck off or buy me a beer.

i have trouble meeting new people.

i can't decide if things just don't come easy to me, or if i'm clueless about things that are coming.

do you ever look for hidden cameras in the kitchen when you're going to take junk food out of the refrigerator?

the more you talk, the less I hear.

i hate how some people are capable of making you apologize for everything.

first donuts, now popcorn. are you trying to kill me?

sometimes i like to fart in a full elevator.

i hate the expression 'full of hot air.' isn't everyone full of hot air?

just once, i'd like to ride a hot streak to the top. why do i have to stop when the going gets good?

sometimes i feel like i'm choking on silence.

silence is the golden rule.

or is that play well with others?

i don't do very well with rules.

especially the ones i created to be broken.

silence is golden. i dislike gold. i like silver. silence is silver.

i love words you can roll your tongue around. anthropology. evolve. fucker.

no, i would not like to install the updates to my computer. i see an 'install now' button and a 'remind me later' button. how about a 'shut the fuck up and leave me alone' button?

this week in jenna theatre - location, security desk where jenna works. the character, a security guard, who jenna really should know the name of but can never remember, and will henceforth be named, ed.
ed - are you heading for lunch?
jenna - best time of the day (fumbling for key card)
ed - you always sneak out the back, i never see you
jenna - yeah, well, I'm sneaky that way.
ed - i eat lunch.
jenna - oh that's good.
ed - maybe one day we can eat lunch together?
jenna - oh. i don't think so.
ed - why not?
jenna - i don't really eat.
ed - you don't eat?
jenna - not really.
ed - but you're heading out for lunch.
jenna - uh, doctors appointment.
ed - oh. well, maybe we can go together one time?
jenna - to the doctor?
ed - sure.
jenna - ummm...ok, yeah, maybe.

if i didn't talk to strangers, my life would be pretty boring. sorry mom, you were wrong on that one.

i think some things should go without saying. i mean, i have never tried to smell your feet, perhaps you should stop trying to smell mine.

in the end, all i can say is i tried...

i tried every kind of beer there was...and still wanted more...

but i guess that's why they call me mellow yellow...

(ok, no one calls me mellow yellow)


blackstocks said...


Great job! I LOVED the whole bit on silence, gold, and rules. Had me cracking up in my chair.

I think there is something ironic about ed being a security me it seems like you might need a security guard to guard you from ed. Very funny nonetheless.

And out of curiosity, how many curbs have you fallen off now? Can you even count?

Awesome work! Keep it up. Can't wait for next week.

Jocelyn said...

Mellow Yellow,
Great blog! You meet the weirdest people. Say "what up" to the security person for me. :)

PunkRockRunner said...

This was my favorite one (so far).

Oh, and just so you know - I was actually trying to be mean (not funny).

Have an amazing week and thanks for making me laugh.

Oh, and "fucker" - hilarious!!

Take care,


Meya said...

I love Ed! I had lunch with him last week. BABY ARMS! BABY ARMS! From anthropology to fucker...nice and so true. So, fuuny.

Michelle said...

Jenna, I don't even know what to say here, except you fucker rock!!! Ooops, I mean fucking!!

sometimes i like to fart in a full elevator.

This made me LOL! WHY? Because, I am 12!!!

Also, I like to fart in full elevators too! :O)

Lauren said...

The best part about that security guard story was that you continued to talk to the guy even though the conversation was getting...awkward. ha.

And I always want to try new beers, too.

I miss you. Good blog. :)

JenZen said...

Ohhh yes....the farting in the elevator made my LOL. Worse is farting in an empty elevator and then someone gets on with you the next floor. You are SOOO busted then.

Security guard convo - just hilarious.

Take care girl!

Bask said...

As it's my birthday, is it possible to add to "Keyboard Cat" another random YouTube video, and see if a trend starts?