Wednesday, September 2, 2009

The Art of Fighting a Fire Truck

but where are they selling the hot dogs?

there is an art about choosing a bathroom stall. watching women dodge in and out of stalls, looking for the perfect toilet, i wonder what people are looking for. i understand if something is on the seat, that's gross, but does toilet paper in the bowl somehow make the toilet unusable? you do know that people have used the toilet before you, even if there is no visible evidence, right?

well, sure there's a crib in the bathroom of a bar

pampers and patron.

should i tell people when i find their hair offensive?

i'm not sure you're a jeans and t-shirt girl if you wear high heels and pearls with them.

i have fought a fire truck and lost.

feelings are made for fighting.

i'm always falling into someone else's dreams.

swollen body parts freak me out.

i feel like it's the 21st century people, planes should not have propellers.

you're the damn computer, you mean to tell me firefox surprised you by randomly closing? you had nothing to do with it? are you two fighting?

tragedy is breaking the only beer bottle opener in the house.

sometimes it pays to discover, but mainly you just pay discover.

i was attacked by a curb.

i don't find satisfaction in delayed gratification. especially when plotting revenge.

it's a good thing i have great boobs, cuz i can't spell for shit.

this week in jenna theater, while walking from the F to the 7 train, a man approached jenna and attempted to have a conversation.
man- have you been to france
jenna - (taking out headphone) excuse me?
man - jesus loves you
jenna - thank you. (putting headphone back in)
man - (still talking and following close behind) i always try to help you. i always try to help you.
jenna - (taking headphone out)what?
man - you need to turn left, and go down the stairs.
jenna - excuse me?
man - why don't you listen to me? i sing. (starts singing random notes) jesus loves you pretty girl, walk to the left, and don't fall down.
jenna - ok, then.

i don't know what they say monkeys.

how is a size 7 shoe anywhere close to a size 11 shoe?

thank you, but i will not be trying them on.

people love to show me all their disgusting body things they have going on. i must be a magnet for that kind of thing.

i think a man pet me today on the subway.

are feather hats still in style?

i have seen the future and it doesn't look good. might as well drink while our livers still talk to us.

that's my plan anyway.


Meya said...

OMG laughed at loud so many times: Computer and firefox; pampers and patron; pays to name a few. ery, very funny!

Jocelyn said...

I prefer to thing that no one has used the toilet!
the man in the subway saved your life.
:) Love it sister! You rock

Meya said...

Oh, and of course there's a crib in the bathroom - especially at a Mexican Yonkers...

blackstocks said...

Hahaha. Great job!

The whole science of the bathroom stalls is something that I have always wondered about. I know that I create a rating system taking into account many factors including seat debris and presents from a previous user. I guess I'm just always trying to find the one that shows the least sign of never know...maybe you are the FIRST to use it :)

Your line about paying discover card was golden. awesome!

Wusspop said...

Lauren DiGiacomo said...

I'm freaked out by swollen body parts also.
Ha I love when Firefox "encounters a problem and needs to close".
That guy on the sidewalk-ha priceless! Only you, lady!

Another great post!

PunkRockRunner said...

I thought the "Will Flash for Beer" photo was photo-shopped. If not, you're right, no need to spell good and you no need to be good at English language not either.

Rock on Jenna!

PS - I'm in a board meeting with super important people who will determine my future AND still made time to get my awkward on!!

Nicole said...


Your flipping hilarious!

There are some weeeriddd poeple in NYC!