Wednesday, September 30, 2009

The Art of Wanting to Wait 'til Wednesday

who doesn't have call waiting in this day and age? don’t you know i’m trying to call?

how is it possible that i refill the ice tray in the morning, only to return hours later to find one piece of ice remaining, thus forcing me to fill it again?

every. single. day.

i'm suspicious of anyone who claims to be a fan of math.

can you ride in the hov lane with a dog in the front seat?

hov lanes seem designed to destroy your self-esteem. you are being punished for not having friends.

isn’t that what the high-school cafeteria was for?

it’s hard to be edgy in a cardigan.

he who carries an umbrella, expects rain.

i wish life were like a baseball game.

can't start work just yet, rain-delay.

it's hard to turn down work when you need money.

it's hard to work when the best things in life are free.

i’d ask for my money back, but where would that get me?

oh, i'm sorry, is my limp offending you?

i shall limp in your face, you walking bastards.

i might grab a couple of kernels on my way back there.

kernels. not colonels.

it smells like crack in here. or cheerios.

i’m not complaining. i’m just making an observation.

how am i supposed to support someone, when the only support i’d like to give them is a hand to help them stand after i knock them the fuck out?

doubting thomas. doubting jenna.

i learned about toads this week.

am i supposed to be able to feel my feet?

wearing a trench coat makes me feel like i should be flashing someone.

i wore my glasses today at work. everyone commented on how smart i looked. and then they told me i looked like sarah palin. i feel confused by these remarks.

i put on my glasses and proceeded to walk directly into a trash can.

this was the highlight of my day.

sometimes i feel like my life is one gigantic product placement.

if you are not able to see patients in the time they are scheduled, then perhaps you should rethink your scheduling policy. 3 ½ hours is not a reasonable waiting time.

especially when all you are going to do is give me bad news.

this week, in jenna theatre - jenna is on the subway heading home after a long day of work. her head is pounding from staring at a computer screen all day and listening to people whistle around the office. she just wants a moment of peace. at the first stop, a child and his mother step on the train. no sooner do the doors close, the son begins screaming and running up and down the car. he comes over to jenna and grabs at her magazine, which she pulls away from his sticky hands. unhappy, he screams in her face, jumps on the seat next to her and starts stomping his thomas the tank sneakered feet and jumping up and down screaming some sort of song at the top of his lungs.
mother (to jenna) – isn’t he adorable?
jenna (to mother) - no.

the heart wants what the body can’t provide.

nothing is more disappointing than realizing that all you have accomplished is to fail with a rapid speed.

and you my friend have failed to cover up your penis.

i’m not complaining. i’m just making an observation.


Jocelyn said...

You are totally complaining!! :)
love you sister! great blog.

blackstocks said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
blackstocks said... is it just me or was that some of the funniest stuff ever!

The thought of delaying work due to rain made me laugh so hard that I started to cry.

"it smells like crack in here. or cheerios." Not sure why, but I found this hilarious. HAHA. That's me laughing again as I read it.

You are the you should try your hand at stand up.

PunkRockRunner said...

Jenna, Jenna, Jenna -

What better way to spend a Wednesday than to wait for my "Awkward" only to find myself reading about trench coats and an uncovered penis. You really need to hang-out in better places (pun intended).

Other observations:

Even Sarah Palin is confused by those comments.

People who limp, like the blind, think they're so cool (one woman's limp is another woman's dark glasses).

And, you may not be able to feel your feet but at least you can see them. Good point Ron.

In closing, I am convinced that *somebody* comments first and reads the blog after. I'm just making an observation.

Thanks for ANOTHER awkward Wednesday.


Lara said...

Your glasses comment cracked me up. I used to get comments like "You look like a sexy librarian in those"... I had LASIK and haven't worn them since. Apparently my sex appeal is gone.

Anonymous said...

Wow! This is very funny and painfully insightful. Are these really observations or are you just stalking me? I drive and eat lunch alone. I met my first wife wearing sexy dark-horn-rimmed glasses. And my undergraduate major? Math!!!
Let’s see, loves math, wears glasses, drives alone in HOV lanes and eats lunch alone -- what self-esteem?
I love your blog and always look forward to Awkward Wednesday’s Keep it up!!

MEYA said...

I knew there was a reason I liked crack...I mean Cheerios. Sarah should be her for Halloween to scare all of the adults.

Bask said...

Separate subway cars for parents with infant children. The petition must be started.

Lauren said...

Nice blog lady! What an obnoxious kid on that subway...glad you told that mother ha!

And it is really hard to turn down work when you need money. :)

If you wore glasses around me, I'd never tell you that you looked like Sarah Palin.