The Art of Selling the Cart Before the Horse

sometimes i think i missed out on my college dorm experience.

then i use the bathrooms at work and i feel ok.

i enjoy a version of little drummer boy that does not include a single drum.

that’s what you get for going to a unitarian church.

i don't know how to feel about new years.

i feel like it’s weird that it should mean so much to so many, like it should mark a change in something. that suddenly due to the clock turning midnight, something dramatic should change.

i suppose that there is a change.

but is there enough change to go around?

what should i do with the spare change?

i've been putting it in a jar by my bed.

i figure i can pay a bill or something with it.

a change we can all believe in.

this year for a change, i'll make a resolution.

this year i resolve to be more resolute.

it's not a revolutionary concept.

but at least, on the surface, it is conceptually sound. at least that's what they tell me.

don't even get me started on the proverbial them.

they are often as dull as mud.

you're a real stick in the mud.

you also look like a pig, too, but that's neither here nor there.

that expression baffles me. “stick in the mud.”

is this really a bad thing?

who out there has a real preference to whether or not their mud contains a stick?

does the discovery of said stick ruin any one's day?

is the mud then null and void?

must we call mud containing a stick another name?

and what of the children?

the children!

this week in jenna theatre – jenna is on the subway heading home from an annoying day at work. needless to say she is not in a chipper mood, so when a random guy is staring at her, then moves to sit next to her, she is not amused.
mark – what stop is next?
jenna – roosevelt ave.
mark – oh, ok, that’s what i thought.
(silence)
mark – what time is it?
jenna – i don’t know.
mark – oh. they should put clocks in here.
(silence)
mark – i’m mark, by the way.
jenna – hey
mark – and you are?
jenna – busy
mark – haha, like that actress?
jenna – yeah….sorry, i’m just trying to finish my book…
mark – i’m sorry.
(silence)
mark - i just feel like i know you from somewhere.
jenna – is that so? probably not. i don’t really do anything.
mark – what do you do?
jenna – read
(silence)
mark – maybe it’s fate…i’ve been into astrology lately….my horoscope said i’d meet someone in a new way…what’s your sign?
jenna – the middle finger…

just sayin.

but then again, i’m always, just sayin’…

you can call it what you’d like, but i still call it bullshit.

and bullshit, is always on sale.