The Art of Dumping Dead Doors

if you see a newspaper on the sidewalk, it might be best not to pick it up. you never know what it could be covering.

being environmentally friendly can be quite unpleasant sometimes.

is being green a fad?

it seems like every few years someone decides to care about the environment.

at least i get a cool bag out of the deal.

if you must get trapped with somebody, at least get trapped with somebody who's organic. that way, if you have to eat them you can at least be healthy about it.

i'm always trapped on the wrong side of the door.

when one door closes, don't automatically assume another one will open.

what if the room only has one door?

what if you're locking up for the night?

what if you try to open the window, but it's locked?

break on through to the other side, unless of course the other side is filled with tomatoes.

this is making me feel very claustrophobic.

i crave wide open spaces with lots of shade.

i'm not one for the heat.

or the rain.

in other news, it does not always pour when it rains.

but when it rains, you will always get wet.

i look like a drowned rodent when i get wet.

this is not an attractive sounding quality.

ok, i look like a kitten after its first bath, ready to claw your freakin eye out.

ok. that's not so good either.

what else ya got?

do you ever feel like you're going nowhere at the speed of silence?

to test if light travels faster than farts, we should come up with a way to make farts glow in the dark.

why not? it's not like we're getting any closer on this pesky common cold thing anyway.

i can't think when i'm dehydrated.

but i can drink when i think.

there's too much time to think in a big city.

maybe one day, you'll know what i mean.

maybe one day, i’ll know what i mean.

i think i saw jesus on the "f" train.

this week in jenna theatre, jenna is on the train heading home. in what might be one of the only times in the history of subways, the voice of the conductor can actually be heard and understood, partially because the conductor is speaking very loudly and very slowly.
conductor – this train will now be running express. express, express service only. this train will not be making local stops. there will be no local stops at this time. this train is express, express, express only. express stops! no local service. express only!!!
passenger to jenna – so this train is running local?
conductor – express service only, if you want local service get off this train! express service only, no local! no local, express service only!
jenna to passenger – yes, yes it is.

what?

who says new yorkers aren’t a helpful, friendly bunch?