Wednesday, September 1, 2010

The Art of Farting with Cheese

sometimes i fear i am incapable of dealing with human feces.

i’m not sure this is a bad thing, but it is something i have noticed.

which side of the tracks is the wrong side of the tracks?

how do you know?

do they put up a sign?

it would seem to me that living on either sides of the track would be less than desirable.

whenever i hear trains whistle i have to fight the urge to drop to the ground.

stop drop and roll over.

after a few drinks, i’ll stop, drop and go to sleep.

sleep is for the weak.

nothing good happens after 3am.


i have been reduced to mocking.

not mocking boobs, mind you.

you should never mock boobs.

bad things will happen to you.

rather i am now a mocker of all things purple.

i’m looking at you, grapes.

this week in jenna theatre, jenna is waiting for the bus at night to head home. a woman walks up to her.
woman – night
jenna – yes
woman – do you have change?
jenna – i don’t, i’m sorry.
woman – you got cheese?
jenna – cheese?
woman – i like cheese. do you like cheese?
jenna – cheese is good.
woman - i love cheese.
woman – why don’t you got cheese?
jenna – well, it doesn’t carry well in the heat.
woman – it melts.
jenna – right.
woman – cheese makes me fart.
(jenna looks around for the bus)
woman – i just farted!
jenna – but i didn’t even give you any cheese!
woman – just thinking about it…there i go again!
(jenna decides to walk)

sometimes it doesn’t even matter.

those are the times i drink.


Lauren said...

I like the random "boobs" inserted into your post.
Anything dealing with the feces is also extremely unappealing to me. But is it appealing to anyone?

Jocelyn said...

Hahaha, great blog! Awesome way to start off a new month! People at bus stops at night are weird. Maybe you should start to bring cheese with you at all times

PunkRockRunner said...

In an effort to make you feel better about yourself, I offer the following:

Coprophobia - An abnormal and persistent fear of feces (bowel waste). Sufferers of coprophobia experience anxiety even though they realize their fear is irrational. They go out of their way to avoid coming into contact with feces or sometimes even seeing feces.

"Coprophobia" is derived from the Greek "kopros" (dung) and "phobos" (fear). Alternate names: Koprophobia, scatophobia.

You're welcome.

Michelle said...

I laughed OUT LOUD. LOL.

Got cheese? Got boobs? Sometimes, my boobs make me fart. Don't ask......

Word verification:
Opogulpho... similar to "Coprophobia???

blackstocks said...

HAHHAHA! Great Blog! You are correct and I am surprised that no one has ever pointed out that living on the side of the tracks, no matter what side your on is likely undesirable, and will most likely drive property values down!

Nice to have you back!